Crisis and Conformity

*another excerpt from my brain... may not be completely coherent or even remotely. Please forgive me but I am in a raw kind of mood right now so this will be a raw sort of post. Honesty though, is one thing that is pretty uniformly found in my writing  So, if it doesn't make sense, chalk it up to my brain being special and if it does... I hope it helps you to see life through my lens a bit.

I make no point in trying to hide my past. It seems like wiping out a significant part of myself. It seems so false. It seems like I am lying to make my life look more peachy than it is or to feel like I have no faults. The truth is I have all sorts of faults and learning and understanding my personality and what makes me tick is one way to slowly unravel lots of the unhealthy habits and thoughts that I have.

My family has been... somewhat aggressive in trying to talk with me recently. It has slowed finally and I even knew that it was coming. I prepared for it. I made a plan for it. I had a midweek crisis phone session with my counselor to further solidify my plan and strengthen my resolve to stick with the boundaries. I actually wrote super huge in my journal "STICK TO THE BOUNDARIES". My whole life... I have been honest in my words and in the intentions behind my words but rarely could stick it out. I have an intense need to please people. It is fierce. It colors pretty much all of my actions and in some ways it has been a useful coping mechanism and kept me functional. There is no staying in bed when I am depressed, I have children who NEED me. I do things out of obligation so often that I am really sometimes not sure what my own feelings on the matter are. If I am just trying to meet expectations or if I actually feel I am doing the right thing.

Anyway now to crisis... my family in crisis is an odd mix. We really are not good at communicating with one another. Not on a normal basis and not in crisis mode. There are lots of personality conflicts. A whole lot of black and white thinking going on. The problem... my black is their white and vice versa. So we end up getting very frustrated with one another. The communication skills are just... not there. Well, generally speaking... I don't talk to my family. We see each other a few times a year but we have our own lives. We have our own minor and major problems. We have a hard time communicating. We, in some ways, function better with some distance. At least I feel that way. I can't speak for them. I think we would all like a closer more "normal" relationship with one another but it has never worked out like that. And we do okay. We are not close and we are not normal but we love each other in our own ways. And generally speaking, I know my mom and brothers would cut off their right arms if they thought it would help me. Which is where crisis mode comes in. My families crisis mode overwhelms me. It is like we can not speak for a year and if they feel there is a crisis it is overload. And I don't know how to process it. I don't know what I think of it and I really don't like all of the attention. (especially not in the form of pity or figuring out who is to blame). I mean they definitely want to band together and be this super family when there is a crisis but there is no... foundation... for it. So it is very forced and uncomfortable. Like I said... I expected it but I want to morph it into something that works for me instead of something that brings me anxiety and makes me feel overwhelmed. Which is the importance of all the "boundaries" I guess. It is complicated and I know they are trying to help me in their own way. But I just want people to stop... trying to solve it on their own end. It can't be solved. There is no box and bow to wrap it in. No neat little solution. And the "black and white" thinking is blowing up in my face... people strongly suggestion to me the right way to handle it. Me feeling very obligated to do what is the absolute best possible thing. Because it is bigger than me. But... I don't have to answer to their right and wrong and I don't have to feel obligated or coerced into taking on their feelings and emotions too. And I guess that is the point of needing space. I just can't handle all of their emotions in addition to mine.

Which for as much as I am learning that I can't conform to what they need me to be or how they think I should act. I am starting to really discover and dissect my own issues with wanting/needing/feeling owed that they conform to how I want them to be. When I can no more conform someone than they can conform me. I have to have their permission for one (and I give people permission to conform me by my own personality flaws and insecurities) but  also I just can't ever spend enough time with someone to perfect and groom them into someone I want them to be. It just can not be done. Not to say I am giving up and declaring that nothing needs changed. But I am trying to be realistic and slowly trying to tweak my thinking on the subject. I want something from my mom and something from my brother and something from my step dad, etc, etc, etc that they can not give. I want the "ideal family". I want what I often think that some of my friends have. I want good, healthy relationships with my family. I want to feel loved and respected and valued. But maybe it just can't be done. And maybe I need to... I don't know, stop basing my expectations on something I have never had and will probably never have. I need to stop trying to conform people who I don't have permission to conform and accept that maybe these relationships have to be different than I always imagined and pictured. Maybe I have to figure out how to find additional relationships that fill some of the voids and find a way to love and accept them where they are right now. I know there are going to be some things in myself that is going to be incredibly difficult to change and this might be one of them. Even as I write this and try to reassure myself that this is healthier thinking... I am incredibly unconvinced. I still "want" in my heart to have a different family. Not different people. I see such good in these people, I just think its buried under all of the hurt and pain. And the poor communication skills we have with each other doesn't help. It is me too... it is my hurt and pain and it is my very inflexible thinking on right and wrong and it is my avoidance and my lacks of good communication. I fully admit that I contribute to it. I am trying to change. And I am sorry that I have spent so many years being part of the problem. I don't want to be part of the problem any more. I am trying.

Crazy week.

Be superforwarned... this is a very disconnected brain purge. If it makes no sense, please don't say I didn't warn you.

I am pretty sure this has been the most emotionally draining week of my life. There is too much that is too private to go into but I think I can hit some of the highlights in order to document how I am feeling without getting too into it all. So far this week I have let go of a huge secret, been contacted by my biological father (who left my family when I was 2 years old and who I haven't seen since I was 5) and also been contacted by one of my half/step brothers (not really sure completely of the relation at the moment. He has a different last name than me so I don't know if he just considers my bio dad his dad or what).

There has been a ton of emotions flowing through my body in the past several days. From making the biggest decision I think I have ever made and how it affects everyone around me to just feeling confused about... everything. Confused about my place in the world. Confused about the value of some of these people to me and my value to them. Wondering where intentions are and if things are really as they seem. Or if it is just how it is today and it will change as fast as everything else does. Frustrated with feelings of guilt and anger. Stressed out. Super anxious. I have spent 4.5 hrs at the gym over the past day and a half. My anxiety is very high right now. It seems to be one of the only things I can do to calm myself down and talk myself down from near panic attacks. And I am not even sure why I feel documenting some of this is important. I just know that writing helps me for some reason.

I just don't even get most of what is happening, how it is happening and why it is happening. I don't understand the consequences. I don't understand people approaching me wanting relationships with me when they haven't seen me in 20 years. I don't get the outpouring of emotions to me when I have so much of my own stuff to take care of. I don't get the disrespect. And I hate all of the vulnerability. But I can only stand on the truth and that is what I have done. I can be at least sure that it was the best thing for everyone even if there are lots of consequences. Protecting the people I love and standing on truth... that is what I am doing. I will rest in that knowledge and keep trudging forward I guess.

Learning to set boundaries has been hard for me. Right now it is near impossible. I have already called my counselor once today and made a new game plan for maintaining a healthy distance from some of the fall out. It is frustrating that I have a hard time figuring this stuff out on my own. I am sorry if you guys don't understand right now. I hope sometime you will though. I have to do what is healthiest for myself and right now, that means I need to focus on myself and my family.

Keep praying and sending good thoughts. I need them in a big way right now. Still striving...

Expectations.

Expectations are a funny thing. For me, they serve as a way to challenge myself. I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to meeting expectations. I have to be on time, I can't bail on people, I have to meet expectations! Failing makes me feel horrible so I tend to be everything to everybody. Taken to the logical conclusions, this is not a healthy way of living. I can not meet everyone's expectations. I don't WANT to meet everyone's expectations. I want to come to a place where I am okay with me being me. I want to be able to say no to family if that is the best choice for my personal well being. I want to be able to not feel sick if I am 5 minutes late because the baby had a dirty diaper on the way out the door. I want to be able to experience not being perfect without attaching the word "failure" to myself.

FAILURE: one of my worst fears in life. Not good enough. Useless. Worthless. Irresponsible. Bad. Things I have been taught. Things I sometimes feel in my core even though I know that logically they are not true. But I FEEL them. They are adjectives that I wallowed in for most of my life. Abandoned, Ugly, Abused, Distant, Hated, Angry... all lead me to feel like a failure. Right, I know all about self-defeating thoughts. I know I have a great husband, beautiful kids, a nice, warm home.... I know there are people who love me. How do you get from head knowledge to heart knowledge though. How do *I* get to the logical conclusions about myself becoming what I feel about myself? I am a good person. I try to treat people well and love my family the best way I know how. But I still always feel like I don't measure up. And I get stuck in the wheel of trying to be "perfect". Trying to constantly prove myself to others. Expectations are heavy for me. They bear a lot of weight and a lot of control on how I feel about myself.

And that is the messy way I deal with other people's expectations.

Expectations of others... this is one of the biggest struggles in my life right now. My husband and I have a conversation about every 3rd night or so on how I need to lower my expectations of people. Apparently trying to be perfect puts me in the mindset that other people should be willing to meet my high expectations too. But this is complicated. My expectations are not high. But they are for the people in my life? Confused yet?

My family is a big ole bag of mess. I love them. I care about them. I want relationships with them. But I can not maintain "normal" expectations of them. I can't expect my family to behave how a "normal" family behaves. We are not typical. But I desperately want a family that feels normal and safe. And I have expectations that reflect what I want out of an extended family (extended because they are not MY created nuclear family, I guess). The problem I am having is learning how to place boundaries in these relationships to help us all form something that is... functional. I have started implementing a few things my counselor has suggested. Limiting visits home, for now, seems to be something I have to do. It sucks. I miss my nephew and niece like crazy. But I have to figure some things out before I put myself in some of the more vulnerable situations that can arise with my family. I need to be surer in myself.

But back to expectations. How do I create expectations that seem functional when I really just want a different family? Well not different people. Just a different dynamic and different types of relationships. The problem is that time can never be turned back and things can not be undone so we have to try and figure it out where we are at. But I WANT a more invested family. I want a mom who calls me to see how I am doing and brothers who are honest and real with me. I want my family to get real with themselves as much as I want my own recovery and progress to happen. I want family not affected by abuse and war (literal war, Iraq style) and anger. I don't want to be an adult who is dealing with childhood abuse and I don't want my family to be the family who is dealing with me changing in ways they don't expect. I want to be perfect for them and I want them to meet my expectations. But that is fairy tale thinking.

So I have to re-evaluate my expectations. And yes, even lower them to realistic. Because, lets face it, I will never have the family I have day dreamed about. Coming to terms with that sucks but it is necessary. Allowing myself to create boundaries and stop trying to be everything to everybody is healthy. Lowering expectations so I can't be so easily hurt is OKAY. Now, to get that to sink in to more than head knowledge. Digestion is slow I guess....

On the mend

I did end up needing to take Slobber Rocket back to the doctor today but the on call doctor decided against a blood draw. Which... seems to have worked out in a good kind of way. Slobber Rocket has been fever free all evening and without medication. So I think he just had a random fever. It is going around in little ones here right now so says the doctor. Just wanted to let you know hes feeling better it seems.

Super Muscles is still fighting the gunk. He sounds awful. I feel sorry for him when he cough and hacks and chokes on snotties (as we call it in our home). Hopefully tomorrow will be a better, healthier day for everyone in this house!

I go see the ENT in the morning. Still having lots of problems with my ears. Hopefully he can shed some light on what is going on. My ear is still very clogged and hurts. Having issues with odd sensations and tinnitus in my ears too. It has been to a point where I can't do things I love to do (like singing) so I definitely need to figure out what is going on. Everyone seemed hopeful that clearing out the infection in my mastoid would solve the problems but I still have some major issues going on.

That is all I got for tonight. Sorry I am so boring ;) Will update about the ENT when I can.

Sick kiddos and concerned looks

Both of the boys are sick right now. Super Muscles has a virus. He has a very nasty cough and drainage. Mucous everywhere. He is choking on some gross stuff every single time he coughs. He just... LOOKS sick. The boy rarely slows down but his eyes look ill and he is slow and tired. Dr. H thinks that he should just have a few more days left of this though and he will hopefully get some good sleep tonight. Cough syrup isn't helping and there isn't really anything I can do for him other than make sure he has enough to drink. Which, when his throat hurts he drinks gallons of ice water a day. Yes, I ONLY let him have ice in his water when he is sick. I have found it to be a good tactic to get him to stay hydrated when ill. Ice cubes are apparently like a treat and he says the "super duper cold water" makes his throat feel better. I roll with it. Dr. H suggested warm apple juice to help with the excess mucous and I thought my kids eyes were going to pop out of his head in pure delight that someone was suggesting to me that he could have juice (remember, we are a no juice family). HA!. We haven't tried it yet but I may pick some up tomorrow and see if it makes my sweet sicky feel better.

Slobber Rocket... well we aren't 100% sure what is up with him. He has a high fever. That is about what we know. He is not showing symptoms other than a fever. Right, he does this a lot. I know. lol. But if he is not showing symptoms of the same virus his brother has by tomorrow he needs to go back to Dr. H for some blood work to make sure he doesn't have a bacterial infection. He gets random fevers though and though we had a nice stretch with no fever, maybe he didn't want us to forget they exist. lol. Anyway, we will see what the morning brings for him I guess.

He hasn't gained any weight in 5 weeks. Not a single ounce! And that is where the concerned looks come in.... Right but I don't know what to say. You can lead a horse/child to water/food but you can't make him drink/eat. That is my life right now. Leading my kid to food and trying to make it work. And it is a process. A very frustrating process. One step forward and a few back. Rinse and repeat. Sometimes it seems like there is progress. The last month it has seemed like to me that he is eating a wider variety of food and we are getting some actual nutrients into him but he hasn't gained any weight. I mean he still doesn't eat much but we follow the rules and work with him. *sigh* But Dr. H said we can talk about it at his 18 mos appointment which is in 1.5 weeks. I am so glad she could read on my face that I was so NOT in the mood to talk about it today.

The Motrin and cough syrup will expire soon so I should TRY to get some sleep. We will see how that goes.

Family update :)

So, Slobber Rocket is doing well in speech therapy. Still  not getting enough calories because he won't eat enough but we are trying to work on ways to improve that. But he does seem to be adjusting to some new textures and he is becoming more accepting of foods and playing with them more and more. Now if we can get him to pack on some more weight... Progress is slower than I would like but I can see it happening which I am thankful for. He has not, however, gained any weight in the past 3 weeks so I am going to ramp up his calories again and see if we can get him gaining. He goes back to the ped in 4 weeks... He is also learning and talking a ton. He is so sweet and cuddly and talkative and expressive. He is polar opposite of his brother. More similar to me than to daddy. Super Muscles is more similar to daddy (or identical to daddy... however you want to explain the phenomenon).

Super Muscles is having a few issues with discipline lately. He is definitely trying his boundaries and seeing how firm mom and dad are going to be with the rules. We are pretty firm though so it ends in lots of tears and screaming and sometimes throwing stuff. But when he isn't extremely confused about his emotions, he is busy reading and being curious. He loves books and is getting quite fast and good at reading. Still struggling, at times, with complicated rules of our fun language but he is trying very hard. I love it. He is always trying to take things apart and figure them out. He is so naturally curious and he is also encouraged to be curious by naturally curious parents. It makes for a fun home full of experiments and information exploration. Mr. Wonderful and I were discussing the other day how we hope he always loves learning this much and as much as the constant and unending "why"s sometimes annoy us, we hope he is always curious and will always continue to ask why. The big news for him is that he is going to start preschool in the fall! I am taking him to be enrolled on Friday. I know he will love it. He craves structure and learning and social interaction. I think he will do so well in school. And honestly, I think the time away from me and his brother will be a welcome change of pace for him. He is really seeming to find his own identity lately and is fiercely independent. I am just so excited that he will get this opportunity.

Mr. Wonderful is about to embark on a week long journey to New Hampshire for a "nerd conference" (as I so lovingly refer to them). He is busy with grad student stuff lately. His boss is up for tenure so they are scurrying around trying to get all their ducks in a row. Praying that after this whole tenure push, things slow down for him. I don't like the pace of things right now. I think we all need things to slow down a bit and time to relax. Not much else up with him. Grad school takes up most of his time and our family the rest of it. I am so thankful for his hard work and for his dedication to both his work and to our family. He is an awesome husband and dad. I don't give him enough credit sometimes but I am very very thankful to have him in my life.

Me... well I am okay. Thankful for my family. Loving on my boys. Nurturing them and helping their sweet little minds and bodies grow (full time job this body growth thing). I am going to counseling weekly and trying to get myself healthier. My ear is still messed up and I have another ENT apt soon so I am hoping that Dr. Y has more suggestions. Theoretically the surgery should have helped my ear more than it has. My hearing, while not perfect, is much better (YAY!) but I am still getting frequent infections, clogged ear, and my ear drum (which is new) is not moving and is "sucked in". So basically I am still having a lot of pain and trouble hearing (because my ear is clogged a lot of the time). I am on a new medication for my allergies to see if that will help but it hasn't. Um, my asthma and allergies have been better controlled than they have been in a long time. I am running longer and further every day and my lungs feel better than they have in a long while. Emotionally, I am a mess a lot of the time. But I am praying that getting some things worked out in therapy will be helpful. I am also having a lot of anxiety but I generally know why and am usually able to calm myself down. Keep me in your prayers as I work through some big stuff. I am very emotionally tired from it all and I know it is only going to get worse before it gets better.

And that is about all in my testosterone rich abode. Take care and love on your family and friends. We are so blessed to have the people we love in our lives!

Wordless Wednesday

Christmas 09

This Christmas was pretty darn good. We spent the 22-24 with family and the 25 at home celebrating with our children. We built gingerbread houses with grandparents.

We also got took Super Muscles to the dentist. Well... he went to see the dentist that his grandma works for. We have no pediatric dentists our insurance will allow us to use closer than 70 miles away. We have been VERY fearful of taking SM to the dentist because of the auditory issues he has. So we took him to Dr. W to make sure we don't have to be in a huge hurry to get him dental care. So it was a really laid back trip to the dentist. With a nice man looking in SM's mouth for cavities. No cleaning or machines whirling in his mouth so it was an awesome, safe first experience for him. He has "not even a hint of any cavities" so we really don't have to stress out over his teeth right now. We can deal with the auditory stuff for a little bit before he really NEEDS to see a dentist. He also has a crossbite like we have already known so he will need that fixed probably at around age 7+. So it was a pretty good trip. I think it also helped SM to develop a level of trust with going to the dentist which is always a great thing.

We visited Mr. Wonderful's Nana and Papa that morning as well. It was a good time. MW and I used to go over to their house for dinner once a week when we were in high school and dating. SM loves this Bobby Labonte car that Nana has and zooms it all over her house and eats all the fruit she has. And she let him ride on her scooter and he though that was really really cool. Mostly we just talked and visited and it was nice. We miss them a lot and we miss dinners with them.

Then we had Christmas at my mom's house. Wow, it was one crowded apartment but stuffed full of deliciousness! 6 kids under 4... yum... A great dinner, amazing family, loads of wrapping paper flying all over the place! What more could you possibly want? It was great seeing my brothers and nieces and nephews. And my mom did a great job getting everything ready. She served up a great dinner full of most of our favorites. Though, I had no clue that she always breaks an egg in her mashed potatoes to make them creamier. She swears she has ALWAYS done this but I never remember it before. Slobber Rocket got the most coveted toy of the night. A Little Einsteins ride on toy. Totally a baby toy but all the big kids wanted to ride on it too and play with the people that came with it and make the music play. It was funny. It eventually went to the car so there were no more fights over it!

Christmas Eve was spent with MW mom and brothers (and his brothers gf... she is sweet). We had breakfast together and did stockings and gifts. It was fun watching MW youngest brother open his gifts. He is 12 and he was so excited about everything he got. I hope my kids are like that at 12. It was a good morning.

Then something happened that I have never seen in all the years I have known my husband... He, his dad, both his brothers and his uncle went to watch a movie together. Avatar... they all really liked it and I felt accomplished for convincing both MW and his older youngest brother to go. It was fun seeing them do something together and I hope they get the chance more often.

While those guys were gone I got to spend a little bit of time with my bff who was also in town visiting family. Not nearly enough time and I already miss her like crazy but I was so glad to get to spend a little time with her and her husband. 

After that was Cristmas Eve afternoon with MW dad and family. Also a good time. 4 generations (which is really not a lot of people in MW family, they have a small family) all in one home. Gifts exchanged, silly jokes made, lottery tickets scratched and a good time had by all. Then it was time to go back home so we could have Christmas at home with our boys.

So we crammed ourselves in the car along with lots and lots of gifts (so many gifts that opening the trunk would send things flying out of our vehicle and that Super Muscles had no place to put his feet) and drove the 3.5 hrs home. The boys slept the whole way which has never ever happened with Super Muscles. He always stays awake at least for 90% of the trip. He likes to look out the window and see what is happening and finds it horribly difficult to sleep in the car. But on Christmas Eve... he was out at 6 and slept the whole way home. He was exhausted from all the activities and playing he did the previous 2 days. When we got home we put them to bed and MW and I set off on our adventure of unboxing all the gifts and putting them away so our house was not a disaster area the next morning. Then we got out the Christmas gifts that were wrapped and in the closet and put the stocking together and called it a night.

Christmas morning our children got up and tore into the Christmas gifts and we watched and loved all the responses our 3 yr old made about his gifts. Then we went to IHOP for breakfast as it has become our tradition to do. The rest of the day was devoted to playing with toys and having fun together.

Twins for the week

So, I am going to be a bit busy for the week. This week I am entertaining not one, but TWO, 3.5 yr olds. My nephew, Junior, is here visiting us ALL week! What a joy that little boy has been for the 3 days he has been here. We have already had lots of fun! On Sat we went and got lunch and went grocery shopping. Then we went to a friends for a cookout. This is where my son and his cousin ran around in circles yelling "doody" at the top of their lungs. It was AWESOME! Yesterday we went to church, lunch with friends, took naps then we went to the softball fields and played while Mr. Wonderful had practice with a few people. Then home for banana pancakes. Junior was rather impressed! Today we have gone to Curtis Orchard (pics to come soon I hope) already and had lunch. Kiddos are getting a nap to get revved up for the park and softball games tonight. Mr. Wonderful and I both have a tournament game tonight but the boys should have lots of other children to play with. They will love it!

Anyway, having 3 kids in our 98 cutlass has been interesting... and back breaking. And having two children who are the same age (15 days apart to be exact) and who are best buddies is kind of tiring but definitely fun. While I would totally take two 3.5 yr olds with no problem. I don't know how moms of twins do it with babies. I find that incredibly impressive.

Thankfully Slobber Rocket slept better last night than he had in a few days and he got a good nap this morning. I pray he continues sleeping well or this week will be long. I look forward to seeing what the rest of this week has in store for us and I look forward to all the fun things we have planned together. I miss my nephew dearly when he is away and am so glad I get to spend a whole week with him!

Summer Splash... the sequal

Well, I should be cleaning considering I have company in a bit. BUT I think most people know I hate cleaning so I am procrastinating! Yippee!

Anyway, we had a pool party on July first with our church but it was TOO COLD to swim. So we still grilled out and then we just hung out. Well, the owner of the swim club said we could come back so yesterday we grilled out again (yum) and then we swam. It was pretty chilly. Low 70s probably and the water was cold (so I am told, I didn't get in). My friend, Joanna, let me play around with her camera. It was fun. I really can't wait to get a dSLR. The time is coming. Anyway, here are some pictures from the party!Here is sweet little Super Muscles playing by he pool. It took him a good long time before he would get into the pool. But eventually, he did. And I was kind of proud because he was scared and he did it anyway.
More cuteness in some silly goggles. He loved these things!
It is me! With Baby J... hes trying to give me a kiss. I am a luck girl ;)
And we can't forget my Pumpkin Head! So cute!

The 5th of July

We had a very soggy 4th in central Illinois. Parade and festivities were all canceled. So we went to rescheduled fireworks last night. Super Muscles was very excited about the fireworks but we knew that he'd likely be afraid of the noise. So when a friend invited us to join them about a mile away (where the booms wouldn't be so bad), we took them up on the offer.

I wasn't sure how he would do... he was very excited to be going. But he does have pretty huge issues with sound. He is afraid of "loud" noises... or even louder than we talk noises. He shrivels up into a crying, ear covering mess if someone yells or talks to loudly or if the hair dryer is turned on. It has been a rather large issue for us lately because it is preventing him from trying things and it just really upsets him. So, that sets the stage for why I was kind of hesitant to even take him. But he was excited, anticipated liking them and asked if we could go... so we went.
See... super excited!
We even got a family picture before the show :)
And I am pretty darn sure its the ONLY one we have.
Ooooh and I got a nice one of Mr. Wonderful with my two beautiful boys.
And even one with me and the boys...
That is why it is good to do things with friends... you can get pictures that include yourself!

So how did the fireworks go...? Not as bad as last year. lol. Last yr I was a few mos pregnant and nauseous and Super Muscles spent the whole show in the car, on my lap, screaming, hands over his ears, my hands over his eyes, begging for the booms to stop... pretty much anything is better than that... right?

He did actually enjoy the show this year but not without a bit of help from the headphones or his hands...
Really, if anyone has an idea on how I can make my older sons life a bit more bearable with the whole... "I'm deathly afraid of loud noises" thing... please, let me know how.

More visiting family

When we got to Evansville, we relaxed a bit. Did the whole nap thing and all that... My older brother and I went to lunch while the boys napped. It was nice to get to spend a bit of time with him that wasn't interrupted by children. Later that evening we took the big kids to the mall to get clothes for the photo shoot. That was an adventure. Thankfully the mall was not too busy! The boys got to run around a lot and had a blast playing with each other. SM had a bit of an accident at the mall because he is really afraid of public restrooms. It was his 3rd accident of the day. Traveling really threw him off!

Tuesday was more fun with Jr and Super Muscles! They had so much fun together. They played and played and played some more. They even both fell out pretty early on the couch bed together. Tuesday was also the day we did pictures. So most of the day was dominated by playing and pictures.















On Wed. my mom and I took Super Muscles and Slobber Rocket to the Children's Museum of Evansville. SM had fun but he was only entertained for about an hour. Really, I didn't think it was particularly worth the $6/person we paid for it. Esp since my mom ended up rocking the baby in the cry room most of the time (he did not sleep well until Wed. night). But, it was good indoor fun (since the heat index was 103 or so of stupid humid heat) that got us through the morning since I had to tell the 3 yr old no to swimming and it was too hot to go to the zoo. Anyway, it was clean and the staff was nice... but, it did not hold my sons attention for very long. Here are some pictures though!Super Muscles also had a blast making a castle with Papaw one morning!


Tomorrow... Slobber Rocket meets lots of family :)

Took a trip to visit family... LOTS of pictures

And more nicknames I suppose (for my niece and nephew).

We took a little trip down to Southern Indiana to visit my family while Mr Wonderful was away in Ohio at a conference. I really did not want to take care of the boys all week alone. The drive down was painful. Pee accidents, screaming, no bathrooms to stop at on 63. Super Muscles almost made me turn around and go home out of fear of what the week would hold for us. He was not the best traveler. So a lot of the trip the car was filled with two small children screaming.

But, thankfully, when we got to Mimi and Papaw's things got much better. SM was very glad to see his grandparents and his cousins and uncles. He behaved very well for most of the trip (we had one kind of rough morning) and we had a good time. We also got all 4 of the kids together for a photo shoot at Sears and it went very well. Four children 3 and under... yea, it went fabulously.
And honestly... those are only mostly my faves. lol. My niece, "Baby Girl", was hammin it up the whole time. The photographer got a lot of great shots of her. And Super Muscles and my nephew, "Jr." (that boy is the spitting image of my brother), make me beam in that last picture. It is them. They are best buds. They really have lots of fun together and I can see them teeing off in 20 years together, dressed similarly and laughing about frat parties and that silly walking class they have to take to graduate.

I have more about the trip but I will continue in another post :)