Saturday, October 31, 2009

Well, it finally happened...

Previously I had said we don't really do Halloween. Well, we didn't. I mentioned that I had nothing against it but that up until now my son (approaching 4 yrs old) had no interest in being around people in costumes. Well, that all changed after he got a glimpse of a few Halloween cartoons this year and saw what dressing up and knocking on neighbors doors was all about. So he asked about it and I decided that if thats what he wanted to do... well, so be it! And... he did famously. Slobber Rocket has been sick so it was just me and Fireman Super Muscles tonight. We spent 3 hrs out in the cold in a neighborhood by Urbana High School (our neighborhood gets NO trick or treaters... serious) and at the trunk or treat at a local church. He loved spending some one on one time with me. It is not as frequent of an event as I would love for it to be. We made new friends. We ate hotdogs and chips and had lemonade (BIG treat for Super Muscles as we don't drink juice or koolaid). It was quite fun! COLD but fun.And check out the mummy on this guys window!

I have also, for some reason, been asked to share some pictures of myself. Not sure why anyone would ever want to see pictures of me when they could look at my adorable children but here are a few anyway from this morning.
And the most handsome, sweet husband and dad around with our big boy.
And lastly... me being stupid in a picture because I am not known for taking serious pictures :)

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Pray for Stellan

Sweet Stellan is very ill right now. Please pray for him and his family. This sweet boy is going to spend his first birthday in the hospital tomorrow with lots of pokes and doctors trying to figure out what is wrong with him. They need wisdom and guidance from the great physician. Check out updates at Mckmama's blog.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Glad to be poor

Have you ever thought about how blessed you are? I mean, truly blessed to be living in a country where the very poor people still, for the most part, have food and shelter.

I have been thinking about poverty for a while now. Technically, my family of 4 live at the poverty level in the United States. We have lived at this level (considered poor) ever since I got married.

But what does that mean? In the United States that typically means that you don't have stuff that is nice as other people. Not that you don't have stuff. Not that you don't have a home or heat or food. Not that your kids have no clothes. It simply means you have donated furniture or someone helps pay your rent or your kids wear hand me downs you get off of freecycle. It means you rely on friends at church to help pay for your car repairs or you take a bus. But it doesn't mean you can't survive or that you are allowed to die.

So how poor am I? I don't have money after I pay my bills and buy food but I have a warm home, food, clothed children, TV, phone, internet, can sometimes go out to eat, have gas to take my children to free local things. I have access to many resources to help us get things we need when we need them. Like having my home weatherized and new windows put in so my gas and electric bill isn't $300+ a month in the winter (my house is just shy of 900 sq ft to give you an idea of how ridiculous the efficiency of our house was). And I can apply to have my heating costs lowered in the winter. And I could find a couch to sleep on or a shelter if I didn't have access to these things or could not pay for my home any longer. I could also go to one of the multiple food banks and get bags of groceries or walk into any number of churches in the area and ask for food if I had none. People, that is blessed!

So today I want to say that I am blessed to be poor in a country where poor means still able to survive and live and be loved. I am blessed to be raising my children somewhere where being poor doesn't really affect them. To my knowledge my near 4 year old has no earthly idea that we have very little money because his needs are met.

And I hope people consider this over the next few days. I want people to think about how they can help end hunger in other countries where poor means not eating. Where poor means cardboard boxes for walls in a home. Where poor means millions of orphans and people dying by masses of preventable diseases and of AIDS.

I also want people to think about how they can help the poor in our country feel loved and cared for. It may be as simple as donating clothes so people don't have to worry about how they will clothe their children. So there is no deciding between clothes and food. Or maybe donate to free clinics for low income people (Frances Nelson Health Center for my local friends) so they don't have to worry about debt if they have a chronic illness or end up seriously injured. Give to Salt and Light or other food banks so that groceries become less of a worry.

I am learning that none of us can do it all but all of us can do some. And a whole bunch of little things turn into a huge impact in our communities. So please find places to use your talents. Maybe you have nothing to give. Maybe like my family it is hard to help fund worthy causes with money... well, go volunteer! Time is just as valuable for many organizations as money. In fact, your volunteered time might as well be money as it lessens the need for paid staff which takes money away from the important functions of your chosen organization. I hope everyone reading this can find a way to make the world a little better. Every small action helps, it really does.

Monday, October 26, 2009

I could eat this baby up...

Getting rid of stuff, accepting stuff

I have been getting rid of lots of stuff lately. I think we have nearly gotten rid of half our possessions over the past 2 months. Half our toys, half our clothes, quite a bit of furniture... we have been feeling overwhelmed by stuff. And in our tiny house that was suffocating us a bit. Mostly me... because no matter what I did, I could not keep my house even remotely clean. I would just move one pile of clutter around to another pile of clutter. That is kind of how it goes when you have 4 humans and a giant dog living in one 900 sq ft house. And I have gotten rid of lots of stuff that has made me a little sad. And this latest cleaning frenzy is no different.

I recently got rid of a lot of baby stuff. I mean, a ton of it. Swing, exersaucer, clothes, crib sheets, tiny shoes and blankets... and it feels good. It feels good after I shed a few tears about not having any more small children for quite some time. And not having any tiny babies ever again. I am thinking this has made me totally cherish the ages my kids are right now though. I know I will never have a little bitty nursling again or put tiny sized nb cloth diapers on a tiny sweet newborn again. And I knew it pretty much as soon as I had Slobber Rocket. I knew I was not going to intentionally put myself or my child through another experience like that again. So I have been savoring the babiness of SR and enjoying the things that just whiz by so fast during this first year. And I am praising God that Slobber Rocket is healthy. So, yeah, its been hard loading up all his small belongings to give to other people. But I know that some very sweet children are gong to put his tiny little clothes to good use this winter and that makes me happy. And when we do move in a couple of years and beyond that when we adopt more children, we will not have any additional "stuff" complicating our lives. I am hopeful and excited to move forward and I think this has been a good step for me.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Trying to figure it out

I was reading a friends blog today. It is a private blog so I can't share it with you but it really spoke to me. You see, she laid it ALL out there for her friends to read. I mean a whole past of abuse, horribly awful treatment. And how she came to God through it all. Basically it was a very detailed testimony. In such detail that most people don't, won't or can't give.

I put myself in the can't category. Right now, I can't talk about all that has happened to me with that much courage. I mean, I can explain that I had a rough childhood. That I have lived through many forms of abuse. That I grew up in poverty. That the men in my life have never been able to have a normal functioning relationship with me (not that I knew it was abnormal until I was much older). I can explain those things. But ultimately I want to help people. I think my life and past has the potential to help people find their voice and refuse to continue living in the past or continue being abused. I think the fact that I grew up to marry a very good man when statistics show that I should be in yet another abusive relationship is powerful. And I can attribute it to my relationship with God. With seeing the value He had in me. And discovering my own worth through that. But I can't quite share so freely yet. I am too scared. Horrified to hurt people who don't know everything and just plain terrified of messing things up. So I know it makes no sense. I know writing is therapeutic so writing it out and dealing with it will help. I spent a lot of time in therapy doing just that. Fleshing it out and forgiving. Finding my voice. Learning to stand up for myself. Rediscovering confidence.

I made promises to myself when I was a little girl that I would never get into relationships like I saw my mom in. And a sweet 14 yr old walked into my life my freshman year of high school and I kept that promise. And that sweet 14 yr old has never left my side and has helped me through such massive hurdles in my life. That is a miracle. Maybe some people take not being abused for granted because that is a normal functioning relationship but I never knew that until I started dating my husband. My normal included seeing my mom choose abusive men and gaining an attitude that she deserved or had somehow earned abuse. And now I look at my mom who is SUCH a sweet and good person under all the baggage, struggle to keep it all together. I am not even sure that she knows what happiness is anymore and it makes me so sad. And maybe she reads this blog... it is certainly possible. I hope you don't take offense to what I am saying Mom. I love you and I wish you would seek help to deal with your past. I know it would make a huge difference in your life and in your marriage.

But the point is, I can't dive into it yet but I hope one day I have the courage my friend, JD, has shown. I am not ready to be that vulnerable yet but I know God has in store for me to use my past to help others. He is breaking down the walls and grooming me for it. I feel such a strong pull to women who have been through similar things and a love that I can't really explain. It is powerful. I can see it in some people's faces without ever talking to them. And I know I am right. Now... to get to a point where I can help.

Monday, October 19, 2009

I hated christmas...

Until I had kids.

Christmas music drives me batty. Esp when we start practicing it in September. I don't like the hype and craziness... in fact, my son doesn't even know who Santa is. He looks at Santa and asks if hes a snowman and he thinks reindeer are Christmas decorations but he really has no idea of the fantasy land of Santa Claus. And I am okay with that. I am fine to not string lights all over my house and to not have a tree this yr because we will have a 9 mos old who is a step away from walking (I know, he is crazy!). I hate when toys are out for sale in October.... well I did, until I decided to shop early this year.

Most of Christmas still drives me crazy and my kids will never celebrate it in the same way as many children (including cousins). We don't "do" Santa and I never plan on doing Santa with them. The reasons are many and pretty complex. Mostly I want Christmas to be about giving to others and not worrying about what we are receiving. I don't want my children fixated on what an imaginary fat man is getting them. I am also a pretty firm believer in always telling my children the truth so creating a fantasy land about a make believe man... well, it creeps me out a bit. Those are just a couple of reasons. I am sure a "no Santa" post is going to be in the works soon.

So I don't get excited about MOST of the commercial things that happen with Christmas but I do love to give gifts and to pick out gifts for my children. I mean, it is a complete joy for me to find the right gift to give them. My boys do not get many new things. And when I say this... I mean it. We are in a stage of life where the money is not abundant. Grad students aren't paid very much and... oddly enough, stay at home moms don't get paid at all. Pretty much all of our money is delegated to bills and food. So we do cherish the times we can get the boys gifts. Christmas and their birthdays are the only days they get new toys or clothes. Every other day of the year I find free things for them (yay freecycle!). I mean, don't get me wrong... I get Super Muscles a .97 car at walmart here and there and I am pretty certain even with loads of money I would not often buy them new things and extravagant gifts but this is where I am now. Super excited to be able to give them new, unused gifts at Christmas. But it takes a few months of planning to pull it off. So, I officially started my Christmas shopping this month. And, I like it. I have enjoyed finding good prices on the things I wanted to get for Super Muscles. I found a stellar price on the clickstart and some games that I had been wanting to get him which even left a little room for some other small gifts. I got him a book about dinosaurs that I can not wait until he opens. By then, he will probably be able to tell me about every dinosaur in the book (he is seriously into dinos right now and knows many of their names and characteristics). And slowly but surely collecting the Cars characters diecast cars to put into his stocking is fun. I have been getting them right in front of his nose and he basically has no idea they are for him. We take them home, I hide them and he never thinks about them or asks about them again. It cracks me up.

But above and beyond giving gifts that I am enjoying is trying to figure out and make our own traditions. One thing I plan to do every single year with my boys is to make up shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child. Now I started doing this when I was in middle school with my Sunday School class at church. Every year we would have a party. We would all get money from our parents and go shopping for our things for the shoe boxes then go back to our teachers house and eat and wrap the gifts and just have lots of fun together. I have great memories from this. Eventually I plan to give the boys allowance and have them save back 10% of their allowance every week to use on this project at the end of the year. So that when they do their shoe box, they are making a personal sacrifice to give to a child who is in need. It will also be a lesson in budgeting ;) I really hope that they enjoy this tradition. This year will be SM first year choosing gifts for his box. I am still thinking on meaningful traditions for our family. I would love to do something with Advent but am not sure what yet.

If you have any fun holiday traditions, would you share them with me? I love learning about new traditions and seeing the cool things my friends do with their children.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

What to do, what to do...

I have mentioned before about my bio father and finding info about him. I have recently found an easy way to contact him and my young half sibling. I have decided to completely ignore the fact that I know my young siblings information because I don't feel it is my place quite yet to contact her. She is too young for me to go telling her things I am not sure she knows yet. It would be selfish and cruel (though she is an age I feel she could make legitimate decisions about how she feels). Anyway so that doesn't play into this scenario at all. I guess I am wondering if I should contact my bio father. I wish I could explain it simply but I can not and it won't make sense to many people or maybe it will???? I am not sure.

Anyway, he left my family when I was very young and I have only seen him for a short period of time when I was 5 or 6 and not since. He contributed to getting my older brother involved in a lot of bad stuff, helped him to see and experience a lot of bad stuff. Put my mom through some horrible things. I have 2 half siblings who he also put through some tough stuff. I could go to the depths of it all but will sum it up by saying... he started a trend in mine and my brothers lives of bad people being let into our lives.

Then there is... me... I feel so hurt and I am not sure if I want to open myself up to more hurt. I also don't want to open my family to hurt of any kind. I am good. I have a good life with a good husband and amazing children. I struggle sometimes with my past but it is mostly just my past. I am not so sure I am ready to open the floodgates of my past. But the truth is... I am curious. Curious to know if there is any regret or heart ache. Curious to know if he thinks about us and how we are doing. Wondering if there is any pride in what we have done with our lives so far. Mostly fear though. Why would anyone want to contact a person who has only hurt them and those they love? That makes no sense. And maybe that is where I rest for today.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

I can brag on him...

And I will!

Today was a fabulous day made even more wonderful by my amazing husband. I do kind of like him. If you get sick of hearing that, I don't know how to help you :)

We had a cpr/first aid class at church today for nursery and child care workers. I organized it and it was really one of the first things I have organized by myself. I am not typically someone who likes to take on a project by myself but this needed to be done and it wasn't too complicated so I did it and I think it went pretty well. We had 9 people take the course and the EMTs who gave it were awesome. Seriously, they were such nice guys. I like EMTs and Paramedics a lot... my father in law and step mother in law (wow, mouth full) both work in this field. So I did kind of bond with them a bit. They are crazy underpaid people who pour a lot of love into their work. But we got lots of great ideas on some things that have needed to happen for a while and I gained a bit of confidence along the way in planning an event (not saying I love doing this, I prefer to help where needed but it was pretty cool). Slobber Rocket got loved on by some sweet girls who watched the kiddos for us. So it was almost like a child free morning/afternoon.

THEN I came home to a CLEAN house. Not that my house was dirty. But Mr. Wonderful deep cleaned. He told me to thank the Fighting Illini for sucking it up on the football field because he just couldn't watch the turmoil on the television. Mopped floors, clean counters, windows open, house smelling wonderful clean. And I went to see my Super Muscles and asked him how his day was and he exclaimed "Me and Daddy went to the Library Mom!" Oh and my heart melted. I just love that guy. He is so good to me and the best Dad I could have ever hoped for my children to have.

Sadly, we had to pay 75 cents to air up the tires on our car. When did they start charging for AIR? What is that about... and 75 cents at that! CRAZY. And we hit every light red on the way to a friends house for me to meet up with my friend. Minor inconveniences. I will never understand how lights are synced so you can be going somewhere and hit EVERY. SINGLE. ONE red.

Then we left our kids with the daddies while we went to a memorial service in honor of babies who left their families far too soon (miscarriage, still birth and infant loss). It was beautiful. I am really honored she asked me to go with her and experience it with her. I am pretty sure I cried through the whole service but celebrating and remembering all those sweet angels was good for my soul. And I really and truly think this event, held annually, is so healing for the families of these babies. If you have dealt with a loss of this nature and live in the Champaign Urbana area, I would definitely suggest checking out the Empty Arms support group. They meet the first Thursday of every month at Windsor Road Christian Church.

And then to a friends house to meet up with our amazing families for dinner. All of our children were happy and fed by their daddies (except slobber rocket... apparently Daddies don't make milk. Go figure!) and we got to enjoy grilled food and great conversation with some really cool people.

On the way home we didn't hit many red lights and Super Muscles seriously gave me the laughs with his non-sense. He was so slap happy and the things he was saying were hilarious. "Mom, we gotta stop at Arby's, Burger King and McDonald's real fast for some dinners... HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA" Then I would laugh and he would say something else completely goofy or silly. It was great. That kid cracks me up continuously.

See... a perfect day in so many ways. I am so very very thankful for my husband on days like today. The things I got to experience today would not have been possible without him and the fact that he did extra just cause he loves me... well, that's just hot ;)

Friday, October 9, 2009

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Pumpkin time!

So, I love to bake with Super Muscles (and cook and play and dance...). Today was WET and dreary in central Illinois so I told SM if he took a good nap we could bake something afterwards. Then when he laid down for a nap I went on an epic search for something to bake with him. Something pumpkiny but not altogether unhealthy. I found a recipe for pumpkin apple muffins that sounded delicious but when I looked closer at the directions... WAY too much sugar, WAY too much oil, not enough pumpkin, no wheat flour... so much wrong with it! So this is what I came up with:

Pumpkin Apple Muffins w/walnuts
1 c Wheat flour
1.5 c All purpose flour
1 c brown sugar
1.5 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
2 eggs
1 can of pumpkin
1/2 cup of apple sauce (unsweetened)
2 c finely chopped peeled apples
1/2 cup walnut pieces

1. Preheat oven to 350. Spray a muffin tin or put liners in

2. In a medium bowl combine flour, brown sugar, spices, baking powder and salt. In another bowl combine eggs, pumpkin, and apple sauce. Stir/mix dry ingredients into wet ingredients. Fold in apples and walnuts. Fill muffin cups 2/3 way full.

3. Bake at 350 for 25 min.


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Project Linus

Oh good golly... isn't he just a sight for sore eyes? Happy, smiling and fever free for approaching a full day! My sweet boy is back to his sleepless, grinning little self. What's that? You like his blanket? Me too! So much so I thought I would tell you about it.

That blanket was a gift from the hospital on Monday evening. My flaming hot little boy was put through a lot to get all the tests done that needed to be done. And when you have a temp of almost 105, they make you be naked in the ER. So this sweet tech went and got a snugly soft blanket to cover Slobber Rocket's cute little butt cheeks :) We couldn't let him snuggle in it until today though since he has had a fever (no blankies for fevery boys). But this is about what it looked like as we explored his new blanket for the first time today.

So the blanket comes from the central Illinois chapter of Project Linus and more specifically from a bunch of sweet people in Provena's Auxiliary (community volunteer group) who make blankets for sick children that come into the hospital. Not that my 8 month old understands this but it means a lot to me that strangers are so kind to people/children they don't know and by extension to parents they don't know.

If you happen to be looking for a way to volunteer some of your time, you should consider this! They take any kind of handmade blanket and they will go to children in the community who need them. Not just sick children (that just happens to be why my kiddo got one) but to kids who have been through traumatic experiences or would need a comforting item for other reasons. Such a simple thing but to children who are old enough to understand, it means a lot. To parents of all children, it means a lot.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know about an easy, fun way to make hard times in peoples lives a little better.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

A much calmer day

Today has been a much better day for my little babe. He is feeling a lot better. Temp is being well managed and may be finally going away. Only time will tell. He has only been med free for a couple of hours but still no temp. So I am hopeful. His heart rate was also much slower today and he is looking much better and there is some resemblance of that happy little boy I had just 5 days ago. He is still very wiped out though. His immune system has had its turbo boosters on for a good long while.

We went to see the ped today. Basically we wait and see. We hope it is either a virus or a bacterial infection. Since he is seeming better, the basic assumption is that he turned the corner from a very nasty virus or the mega dose of antibiotics is helping. He is to take 10 days more of antibiotics. Since he is so young, we do not want to risk missing an infection in his little body. If the fever persists over the next 2 days, I am to take him back to the dr and we will begin testing for more rare illnesses. We are still unsure if he has any abdominal issues because of how aggravated he has been over the last 24 hrs with people touching him. Sometimes diagnosing babies is a crap shoot since they can't exactly talk ;) Anyway, I hear sweet baby laughs and a goofy 3 yr old in the living room so I am trusting that my baby boy is finally on the mend. Continue to pray that we have seen the last of this fever/illness.

He is still sick and he had a bad day

Slobber Rocket is on day 5 of fever. Yesterday we took a trip to the dr and it really turned into a bad day for my sweet 8 mos old. Fever on top of motrin was 102.7 when we got to the his office. Doctor found some tenderness in his belly so sent us to the ER to have lots of tests run (around here that is the fastest way to get test results, though I am not sure if this is true everywhere). We got there and his temp was up to 104.8 and they took him right back to a room so they could get lots of medicine in him before he had a seizure. Yea, it was loads of fun people. Enough medicine for a 2 yr old, a shot of hard core antibiotics, blood draw, many rectal temps, catheter, xrays and 3 hrs later... they found all tests normal. So I don't know what is going on with him yet. Or if it is just a very bad virus that for some reason or another no one else in our house picked up. It did take about 2.5 hrs to get his temp down to normal enough to let us go home. At the 2 hr mark it was still too high. We take him back to see the ped today. I am pretty sure they wanted the ER to do a cat scan on his tummy organs but they didn't yesterday because its a "lot of radiation for an 8 mos old" and the ER dr. didn't seem to find the same tummy tenderness. I am guessing that is because by the time the ER dr got there my poor baby was too afraid to lay down out of fear of being hurt that he screamed and tensed up and kicked and... well I am sure you can picture how he behaved when we let another person touch him. It was miserable. So we were sent home and told to keep his temp down until we could see our ped and determine where to go from there. Last night was good though. He slept all night with no fever. This morning he is beginning to get a fever. It is still very mild. I am debating whether or not to give him motrin just yet. His fever yesterday got so out of control despite following all the fever rules. But if it is just going to remain a mild fever... I don't want to put so much medication in his body. Anyway thats all I got right now. Gunna go snuggle a baby and I have to call the ped soon.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Sick baby, no blogging

Slobber Rocket has been sick since Thursday night. He has some kind of virus. I was sick Thursday and Friday too but felt much better yesterday morning. SR on the other hand is still spiking those pesky fevers. So, that is where I have been. Cuddling a sick, sweet little boy and nursing him around the clock to make sure he stays hydrated. This is the first time he has had a fever but he is hanging tough. VERY tired little boy and I am sure you all know how he never sleeps by now so this is a huge change and even a hurdle for my little active boy. He is resting now and Daddy and brother are at church. It is almost like a morning to myself so far.

I am missing the combined service at church and I love them so that is sad (it is a service done in Chinese (Cantonese) and English. Our church and the Chinese church who share a building with us do this a few times a year). I also have a big week/weekend coming up so I really might be scarce. I will try to write a few days just because I like to come back and see what I was up to at any given point in time. Gearing up for a big 5 hrs cpr and first aid class this weekend. I still have people to contact about this that I was going to call at the end of the week but being sick kind of squelched that. Just kind of a lot to do. And Mr. Wonderful's prelim is coming up on the 14th so he is busy preparing away for that.

We have a busy month this month. Out of town birthday parties, making a baby shower gift for my aunt (SO excited to welcome a new cousin into the world soon!), crafting and baking with Super Muscles, play dates, making holiday plans, one last cookout before it is TOO cold, softball and volleyball, church... It should shape up to be a good month. If anyone has some easy craft ideas for fall/Halloween. We don't actually celebrate Halloween... little known fact. But we do make spiders and decorate pumpkins... etc. I find nothing wrong with Halloween just so everyone knows... we just don't dress up and go trick or treating. And if the boys want to when they are older, they can :) At this point, Super Muscles is still to afraid of costumes and loud noises to even worry about it. We went to a fall harvest party on Halloween last year and he hated it :( I am sure when they start school it will be something they want to participate in.

So that was almost a totally useless post. One day I will tell you all about how we don't "play Santa" and then you can explain to me how to make my near 4 yr old not tell his cousin... kay?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Where did my sweet boy go?

Oh my word y'all! Where did my sweet 3 year old go?? I can not seem to find him lately. Right now some impostor is in Super Muscles bedroom throwing a giant temper tantrum because he got into trouble for being disobedient. He is literally chanting angry phrases at me through the closed door. I am so sad :( I KNOW that consistency is the most important thing to remember when it comes to discipline so consistent I am.

The same things happen in the same order every single time he is in trouble and yet he still screams no at me and throws his body weight to the floor when I physically move him to his room to finish his craziness. Then he screams like I ran over his foot with our car. Then he yells at me. Then, its all over and he says hes sorry until... five minutes later. Rinse and repeat. I feel like he is in trouble more than he is not some days. And I know this so I try to let more things slide or to ignore the smaller things. Meh... It will get better. I just have to keep teaching him and having patience with him. So today I am going to cherish the cuddles before nap time and ignore the fact that he got out of his bed 999 times and hardly got a nap. And I am going to remember the funny things he said ("I just made a spectacular shot mom!") instead of the mean things he just spent 7 minutes yelling at me. He loves me and in a few minutes I am going to go give him a big hug and let him know that no matter what... I still love him too. Always. And it will get better. And on to another chance to make good decisions we go.

Pray for me... I feel like I am getting sick. My throat is hurting and my ears are aching. I took some medication earlier (to know me is to know that is a mighty rare occurrence) to hopefully push off discomfort.

Wow, I am completely unexciting today. Until another time...