Tuesday tidbits

I was told today that I was so lucky for having both a boy and girl. Um... okay? Apparently Slobber Rocket gets confused for a girl a lot. i am not sure if it is because he is so small or still in tiny gender neutral clothes but I had to correct her and inform her that I am indeed blessed to have 2 BOYS.

Why is having 2 boys bad? Or 2 girls. My friend and I talked today about how there is almost some strange expectation to have 2 kids. period. a boy and a girl. to have a perfect little family. And it made me feel sad for this woman's children because she was acting like I was lucky and she was not. Or I was blessed and she was not. But, we are both abundantly blessed by having two (I think she has 3) boys. Did I mention that I love having sons? If I forgot to do that... I enjoy my boys immensely.
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I read an interesting discussion today on a friends facebook page. It initially started as a discussion on infidelity in a marriage on one girl (who I don't know personally) said this:

"Fidelity is in danger everywhere - in marriage, but in so many other places. Consider this: when faced with a problem in a church, very few people have the fidelity to that community to stay and work (continuously) to stay in communion with one another. Instead, they survey their many church options and think, consumer-wise, "I'll just leave. God would want me to be somewhere that really meets my needs." B.B. via facebook

Wow... that is all I can say. I have long thought this because of something a professor who was affiliated with BCM told me and Mr. Wonderful once. He started a conviction in both of us about our role in church and how it is not a passive one where we go to have all our "spiritual" needs met. Then when I saw this... it reaffirmed in me that same conviction. Church really isn't about what "they" can do for "you". It is a mutual relationship. A body of believers and you. How you can minister to one another. And that includes the church goer/YOU! We are called to serve not just go somewhere to get warm fuzzies. If you are uncomfortable in your church, maybe God is calling on you to spur change or to start a new ministry or to get involved in leadership! I don't think God is very pleased with church shopping anytime we get uncomfortable, hurt or upset.
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Crazy Love by Francis Chan is amazing and heart changing. It is a hard read. A convicting read. A slow read (all that processing and self-examination). But a fabulous read. You should check it out. You could join the discussion at Bloom if you want. I am half way through this seemingly thin books but it has taken me a couple weeks to get this far. Challenging... in a good way.
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My husbands prelim is coming up on Oct. 14... won't you think about him and/or pray for him between now and then. He will do fine but there is a lot of preparation to be done between now and then and this decides whether or not he stays in grad school to pursue a PhD or leaves with a Masters. It also means me with the boys a lot over the next couple of weeks. I am so proud of him and can't wait to celebrate him passing his prelim in a few weeks.
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One last thing... I have the coolest Grandma (Honey) ever. Seriously, she remembers everyone in my families birthday and always sends us a card without fail. This impresses me because she has 8 kids, 16(I think) grandkids and the great grandkids are piling up oh and all our spouses and stuff too. I bet she has a very marked up calendar and I love her for it.

Loving Well

There are often times when you evaluate things in life and the negative is pointed out. Generally it is a means of improving what is going on. At least, that is how it works for me. I critically evaluate aspects of my life or activities I have planned or communities I am involved with to see how I/we can become better. For me, church is just no different. Lately I have been in constant thought about how we could do things better at our church. I have a big heart for evangelism and for community within our church. I actually recently took a survey evaluating how our church does with reaching people in our community (the actual community not within the confines of church) and sharing Gods love with them and it discouraged me a bit. I will preface this by saying, I am VERY critical because I really want to be doing two things in my church... period. Loving God and loving others. Really, that is what life is about. So when I saw that we weren't where I thought we should be in this area, I was a bit upset. I know I go to a small church and this is something that takes time to build and I am enjoying the challenge of helping to build it but... it just seemed so hard and I was down about it.

But this week, my heart changed from overly critical to brilliantly thankful. You see, I go to a church that loves one another very well. We go through pain together very well. We pray for one another very well. We help one another... very very well. And while there are things that need to get better for us, we definitely have this loving one another down. I have had meals brought to me and friends stay with me (one of my friends literally sat with me and let me cry all day cause she is cool like that ;)) and ladies pray for me and pastors talk to me and people babysit for us (yielding 11 straight hours of sleep for a baby that rarely sleeps more than 4 hrs at a time... I have no clue what or how she did it but I thank her) and I have been a part of that with so many of my dear church family. And while I realize that we have work in some areas in our church... something Francis Chan said on a video yesterday sticks out. We do want to fall hard in Love with Jesus and to show that Love to others' but God calls us to do that within a community. I am so thankful I am part of a community that loves one another very well. It has been an encouragement to me this weekend.

Long week but I am healing... again

Ever just feel emotionally spent? I mean, just tired of carrying the burdens of life? Tired of the weight of the past? I think I have done a lot of healing in the past 6 or so years from my past but sometimes I still have entire weeks or a month here and there when it all comes rushing back and I am dealing with it all over again.

Then I remember, I am weak. I remember, it is not my power that has healed my heart in many many ways. And it won't be my power that ultimately gives my soul rest.

How do I know this? Because I tried on my own for far too long. And I was a miserable person. I was a mean person. I said things to other people that no one should say. I acted out instead of finding the calm in the situation and finding a solution. I was depressed. I was angry. I was tired. I was... a mess. Not many people know me from then. Mostly just my family and a few high school friends. My husband knows me from then and I often don't know why he chose to stick it out with me. I am so thankful for him. I really was a miserable girl who was often times less than what he deserved. But I was hurt and broken. I had to figure out how to stop that pattern or I was going to end up doing the same things in my own life or worse, to my own children.

After getting into a tearful argument with Mr. Wonderful in college and trying to give him back my engagement ring (oh yea, it was bad but he would never let me go no matter how I treated him)..., I just needed help. I had no clue where to turn because I felt so abandoned. So I just started praying. And crying. And pleading with God. I so needed rest from the demons that ruled my life. I started seeing a counselor who helped me find tangible ways to handle anxiety and stress and I started working on forgiveness. I really felt like, for the first time in my life, I was doing what God intended for me to be doing. I was healing and I was asking for help. I was forgiving people I never imagined I could forgive. People that really really hurt me. People that really really hurt my brothers. And it gave me freedom. I slowly stopped being ruled by my past and started owning my present and future.

Then there are weeks like this when I am reminded of all those demons again. Where I can talk about it and cry about it but it is SO emotionally draining. I feel like that scared little child again. But now I am keenly aware that I have a Heavenly Father who will not abandon me. Who is working on healing the scars if I just allow it. And... I have two beautiful sons who need a mom to let God work on her heart. So, I am going to do that. I love my family too much to let the past rule any part of my life.

And Ima makes... 6... yikes

We have a little house guest this week. Her name is Ima (E- ma) and she is an 11 week old mutt. And she is making our house even more crazy than it already was. I thought 2 adults, 2 children and one dog was bad but now we have 2 dogs playing like puppies to throw into the mix. Though I am glad we decided to keep her at our home rather than checking on her a few times a day at her house. She would have been horribly sad being so young and away from her people for 5 days. But, we have gotten even LESS sleep than normal since Saturday. I didn't even think that was possible but with the whining and chewing on things shes not supposed to and needing to go out to tinkle. Its been a long few days. Her mommy and daddy are in Sri Lanka for a funeral and they had to leave town very quickly. Anyway,... the kids are enjoying the new house guest for the most part. The baby gets angry when she chews on his pants (which always drag around behind him since hes so short :)). But otherwise... Super Muscles tells her "Ima girl, you are my best friend". My house is a stinkin MESS with 2 dogs in and out of the wet nasty yard 30 times a day (I so don't miss that part of puppy training). I have swept but have yet to mop the kitchen and laundry room since it is still so muddy out.

The Colts play tonight. I am excited! Going to a good friends for some HD and food. Glad Mr. Wonderful has a by this week in softball so we can watch the game :) How many men have wives as interested in football as them? I think he is pretty lucky.

My birthday is Saturday. I am SUCH a birthday freak. I love love love birthdays. Not many people share my enthusiasm though. I will be happy on Saturday solely because I love celebrating my own birth. Oh and since my birthday is on a Saturday, I think I *might* get to sleep in :) What could be better?

I played volleyball for the first time ever on Friday. Apparently I didn't do too bad. I still say its a good thing my first game was against our church's other team. I didn't feel too stressed because I figured they were the best people to play my first ever game with because they would help me along even though they were competing against me. Volleyball is a pretty reactive, intuitive sport though. Hopefully, as I learn the rules... it will be even better. I am enjoying playing sports again. I am super competitive and have missed competition very badly.

SM made me mad this morning. He got into my purse and secretly ate a sucker (well half before I busted him) that I was saving for a time when I needed it for him. Hes on his bed right now for being disobedient and sneaky. I threw all the candy in my purse away (1.5 suckers). This is the second time in a week he has snuck food. It kind of weirds me out and scares me a little. I hope this does not become a habit.

I ordered Slobber Rocket the cutest shoes on the face of the planet. Hopefully I picked the right size. His little feet are tiny but he is in desperate need of some shoes to protect his little feet now that he is up and moving so much. He crawls, pulls to stand, cruises, kneels, squats... all at 7 mos old. He is setting me up for a heart attack. no doubt. We spend a lot of mondays at Dodds on the concrete watching Daddy play softball so some extra protection for his feet will be welcome.

Scatterbrained today... I know.

Nicknames irk me

I grew up with a name that could easily be shortened or made into a name that I just really dislike. I make a few exception to my no nickname rule but to people who do not fall into the exception category, I politely remind them over and over that I prefer to be called by my given name. It is me. It is the name my mom picked out to give me with care and love. I prefer it. And it has ALWAYS been a big deal to me. So when picking my Super Muscles name... it was kind of a big deal to make it short and to make it a name that could not be messed with. Oh yea, we didn't spell it as expected so my 3 yr old totally spells his name when he introduces himself to people. But I *thought* this would mean no annoying nickname for him. I was wrong. When he was a few mos old, my friend babysat him and her roommates started adding to his name (instead of the normal subtracting to make a nickname) and I realized that no name I give my child is nickname proof.

So when we set out to name the baby I ignored the fact that Slobber Rocket could very easily be branded with a nickname but to my odd surprise, only one person I know has shortened his name and it was unintentional.

But all this makes me wonder what things will be like when they can decide not to go by their given names. Slobber Rocket could choose to be called the shortened version of his name or Super Muscles could go by his middle name or... they could just pick a name they like. Or their friends could call them something ridiculous that sticks (Crabnuts rings a bell since it is what my husband was called in high school). I dread this because I completely love their names. They are original but not over the top. They suit their little personalities. Hopefully they will make people remember them when they are looking for jobs. Hopefully Super Muscles won't grow tired of how we chose to spell his name. Or the fact that he is somewhat branded to football because of his name (which is one reason we didn't keep the "normal" spelling). Naming a child is hard work. I hope they appreciate their names and wear them proudly. I am just growing into my name. I always thought I had a very refined name. A bit older than me but I do really love my name.

Just some random, useless thoughts from me. Maybe I will have something profound later.

Slacker!

Yep, I am a slacker. I have completely abandoned my blog for the craziness of getting new windows put in. Or maybe my internets has been a bit limited while spending a few days away from my home. Did you know that not everyone uses the computer with such frequency? I mean, I was at a couples house who... well,... as shocking as this is... didn't even have their computer turned on. I know, right? It was quite an interesting concept to me as well. I won't even get into the huge CRT monitor they have :). Anyway, that mixed with all the things we typically have going on in the evenings... I just didn't really have time.

So our new windows are in. They look good. Seriously makes our house look better from the outside. Esp. The new storm door (our old one was SAD but who wants to or has the money to spend on such things?). We can open our windows! My kids can chew on the window sills (if they want I guess, I will still discourage it). And, my floors are spotless and waxed. Doesn't get much better. Tomorrow the fact that the floors look great today won't much matter because of the dog. But, I am going to love it while it lasts.

Boys are doing good. No recent pics because my camera battery is dead. I will charge it and get some good pics soon with lots of natural light pouring into my house... promise! I just wanted to update everyone to let them know all is well in our little world.

We didn't start calling ourselves Christians.

So I was presented with an idea recently that I had never really thought of. In the book of Acts, we find that the word "Christian" is first used to describe some of Jesus' followers (Barnabus and Saul) who met up with a church and taught lots of people about Jesus. From all accounts it is not a name Christian gave themselves. Acts 11:25-26. The last piece of these verses says "The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch."

Now I find this to be in stark contrast to what the church looks like today and that discourages me. People saw this church and because of the teaching and deeds that were going on they called them "Christians" or... Christ-like people. Because they were spreading the word of God and taking care of the widows and orphans and poor and because they were ministering to one another's needs and creating a community, they were given this title. A title earned through action.

I find today's church to be completely different and I am being pummeled by conviction in this area. In the American church, we give ourselves the title of Christian. It is not a title other's give us because they look in and see something different. We are not living radical, sold out for Jesus lives where we sacrifice our own comforts to love God and love others. And honestly, its me too. And that makes me completely uncomfortable (as it should). I want to be part of changing the world. I want to be part of helping those who need help and comforting those who need comfort and loving those who need love. I want to be part of showing Gods love to the people in my community. I want my church to be part of that too. And I know this is what God wants because this is the church that is demonstrated in the Bible.

Acts 2:42-47 is somewhat of a mission statement of what a church should be. I pray that our church can become a church that people look in and call us Christian because those are the actions we demonstrate. I pray we can turn from arrogance and from wearing the title of Christian pridefully and focus on our duty of loving others as we love ourselves.

Check out the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan if you are interested in a movement to change the Church and to love the Church. To go back to the New Testament church. It starts with individuals and convictions that we are missing something. We are missing something big.

Caution, caution.

It feels like a crime scene around these parts today. "Q", the contractor, was here bright and early wrapping yellow caution tape all around our humble abode. "Caution LEAD hazard"... Bright yellow and reminiscent of the Law and Order episodes I watched growing up. I feel branded. My house is poisonous. So, maybe it isn't that deep but I do have to vacate my home for 2 days in order for the new windows to be installed and I also have to have my children lead tested one more time, a few weeks after all the windows are put in. They have already been tested once last week. But... its all about their safety so I held them each down and will do so again soon. The big kid screamed like someone was killing him and the baby made not a peep. He just sighed and rested his head on my arm. It is amazing how different they already are.

Speaking of different... I never realized I would get peace in vacuuming. But I do. Super Muscles is horrified of any noise above a talk. So the vacuum is basically not his favorite dirt removing instrument in the world. He prefers the broom ;). So when I vacuum he hides in his bedroom or a room not being vacuumed and covers his ears (he kind of looks like a psych ward patient rocking back and forth with his hands over his ears but please don't tell him I said that). But slobber rocket... he LOVES the vacuum. He will sit in the floor and dance and laugh. Or lay in his swing and just watch what I am doing. And its quiet. Other than the obvious loudness of the vacuum, it is peaceful in a house full of noise all the time. And I don't even want to discuss how long the couch took to vacuum. Lets just say... no reasonable person would spend that much time vacuuming a couch. I, however, have a house full of people with bad allergies... so me and the couch got intimate.

Super Muscles and Mr. Wonderful built a new entertainment center a couple of days ago. Most MW ;) but he did let SM help when he woke from nap and the child was THRILLED. Proof to come... picture uploader hates me today.


Anyway, I will be out of reach for a few days via the internets as we will be spending some time at a friends house while we wait for our windows to be put int. Hoping to be all done by Friday at 2 though. I don't think many people appreciate an open window the way I do... I must say, I will be thrilled to be able to open our windows for the first time since we moved here in a few days. Email me if you need something important. I should be on in the evenings when we get home to check :)

And a baby elephant in cloth diapers... gotta love it!

Fall cleaning.

Today has been a good day. Well, a miserable day for allergies but a good day for everything else. You see, sometimes I get in a mood where I just want everything to finally NOT be chaotic anymore. And for a girl like me, that means a lot of cleaning and arranging has to be done. With two small children and a mom that doesn't love cleaning... well, my house does get kind of crazy and chaotic.

So Mr. Wonderful and I set out today to remedy that problem a little bit. We are selling pretty much any possession that we don't need (kind of freeing) and giving away stuff that we can't sell. Going through closets and kids dressers and desks and drawers and anything else I can think of to simplify our lives. And I feel very accomplished this evening. I still have lots of laundry to do but my room is well on its way to being very organized and I have gotten rid of probably half the stuff that was in my room. We also moved my desk into the bedroom so that I can try to shift some priorities and follow through on some of my goals. One of those goals is to spend less time on the computer. Something I am doing okay at! But I can do better so we got my computer out of the living room so I am not tempted by the ease of letting Super Muscles entertain himself while I peck around on the computer. Not that that is a horrible thing but it is something that still needs to happen less often.

We also got a smaller tv stand and plan to sell the larger one so that we don't have so much clutter in the living room and are rearranging the living room for it to be safer for my crazy crawling little 7 mos old. We got rid of a piece of furniture that was not very stable now that Slobber Rocket is cruising and using everything he can think of to accomplish that task.

I still need to finish going through the boys closets to see what we can get rid of (we do not have room to keep Super Muscles clothes to hand down to Slobber Rocket... our house is just too small) so I can take it to Loosey's house sometime in the next few days so she can get it ready for the swap that is happening next weekend. Good times to be had.

We are getting new windows this week. Bye bye lead paint infested windows, hello windows we can finally open! I do still need to figure out what to do with our girl while they are here working on the windows and me and the boys are at a friends house on the days they do it. I am thinking of keeping her outside since it is pretty cool. She would love that. She will have to be chained though because she likes people too much and will bother the contractor.

Oh and Curtis Orchard this week with the Parent Mentor group... fabulous!

And now for some pictures :)

Here is one of Super Muscles before our first time Roller Skating a few nights ago. He loved it. Funniest evening we have had in a while. We both laughed so hard. He really enjoyed himself. And a couple of Slobber Rocket eating Sweet Potatoes... cuteness abounds!

You know what? I already know...

Ever get sick of people saying the same thing to you over and over and over and over again? Yea, me too. So let me just let you in on a little secret. I already know that my 7 mos old is the size of many 3 mos old. I get him dressed every morning, I nurse him around the clock, I take him to places where there are monster babies who could eat him for breakfast but who are 3 or 4 mos younger than him. I take him to the doctor where I find out he is in the... um... 5th percentile for height and weight (or below). I get it. I got it. And you don't have to keep commenting on it. Not YOU of course but everyone else. I realize you think I need to DO more to get him bigger but some babies are not bigger (and I have no clue how to control someones height, if I figure that out... I will be making lots of money). Some babies have very petite moms and not horribly tall dads and pretty short grandparents. Some babies nurse around the clock (like mine) but they start crawling at 5.5 mos (Slobber Rocket) and so all that eating does little to produce chub. And some babies go to bed at night in 0-3 mos sleepers at 7 mos old. It is okay. I am not doing anything wrong as a parent. He is just small. I take him to the doctor and my doctor is not worried about him. If he showed worry, I would totally make sure my son had the medical attention he needs. Promise. *Sigh* that feels a bit better. Sadly, the people who read my blog don't need to hear this rant but it did make me feel slightly better.

Tired

My 7 mos old wakes up to eat... a lot and I kind of don't like it. I am so tired every day of my life! I don't know how to correct it. I have tried everything I possibly can think of. Feeding more through the day, feeding less frequently, solids (though we have to go very slowly with them and he refuses to eat them anyway), letting him fuss himself to sleep (which never works and ends up being him screaming like a banshee)... Anyone got a brilliant idea I have missed? I need more than 2 hours of sleep in a stretch.

Aug. 30, 2009

This is what my kid was wearing at 5:30 in the evening. Fleece Jammies and a sock hat. What is up with that?