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I am going to randomly re-publish some posts that I liked from my old blog over here just so I can have it all in one place and share some things I have thought about with new readers. This is one of those posts. At the end I also added some of the responses I got. Feel free to add your own.
Marriage: originally published Sept. 2 2007
So, those of you that know me and know me well KNOW I am struggling with some issues that surround marriage. Not my own ;) I have a great man! and what I consider to be a wonderful marriage. But... more about the entity of marriage. What makes it work.
What makes a marriage work anyway?
God?
love?
Sex?
trust?
Having the same goals?
money?
Struggles that a couple make it through?
I have been thinking about this lately. My brother is journeying into a marriage union soon. A convenant between himself, his bride to be, and God. Do those words mean anything? Do the words you say, if you mean them, seal your relationship? Im so sure that many people have meant the very vows they have spoken to the person they loved on their wedding day and yet the divorce rate is 50%
Will God punish someone for choosing the wrong person... or can the wrong person become the right person with enough work? Does God honor a marriage covenant between 2 people he has not brought together? Does God have anything to do with a happy marriage (not talking about a marriage that furthers the Kingdom... just overall happiness)?
Is obligation ever a motive to get married? What about money or feelings? Why and how do you decide that you legitamately want to spend the rest of your life with one solitary human being? What makes that other person worthy of YOU? what makes YOU worthy of the others love, joys, sorrows, triumphs, defeats?
What is love? Does love make you happy? Is love a feeling, a collection of feelings, a flutter in your stomach?
I have in my head what I think a marriage is. But, I know lots of other people with very different definitions of marriage. Kyles grandparents are very happy together and yet their marriage is very different from mine. Pastor Kent and Becky have a marriage that Kyle and I strive for but its very different than J & K who seem to be legitamately happy and loving in their own relationship. I think of all the types of marriages I have seen... my mom and stepdad, paul and amy, Andy and Amanda, my grandparents, kyles dad and stepmom, T & J, scott and carol,... they are all so vastly different. For some, God is the foundation. He is what holds their marriage together. Pulls them out of the depths of the darkest moments. For others, sheer freaking determination keeps them together. For some others... regardless of religion or determination... they just like each other and never seem to fight or mind being with one another. How does this work? And how do you know if someone is legitamately making a mistake with the person they are choosing? And if it is a mistake, who is to say that determination and working through the fights and downs wont make them right for one another eventually?
I was given some advice once by a dear man in our lives. He said "Love is not a feeling but rather an action. I may not FEEL the love for my wife but I find that if I SHOW her love anyway, I fall in love with her all over again" Is this the essence of human love? It is certainly the best advice about marriage that I have ever received.
I know some soon to be spouses will read this... why are you getting married?
And to the already marrieds... Why did you get married?
One of the reasons I got married is because I felt like I could spend my whole life looking for someone better than Kyle and would never find anyone. He has always cared about my wellbeing and my growth as a person if not equally as much as his own maybe even more than his own. He wants to be a godly man and husband and father. I felt from the time I met him again in high school that he was the man I would marry. I was 14 when I decided he was my future husband :) I feel very strongly that God chose him for me and put him in my life at a time when I needed a best friend and confidant more than ever before. It was a time when I needed desperately to learn to trust and he never hurt me. Those are just a few of the 9 million reasons I married my amazing husband.
Anyway, enough of my ramblings. If you are about to get married... get out a piece of paper and write down the reasons you are marrying this person in the near future. Really examine them and see if they are lasting reasons of if they are material or trivial reasons.
Im glad you arent the only one who questions the reasonings for marraige.
Marraige is not a step people should take unless they can look down the road many years from now and still fall in love with the person they are with.
I took the vows once, and didnt fully mean them, we had nothing holding our relationship together.
And it failed, miserably. I would still be fighting for it to this day if there werent circumstances that could have prevented it. I'm very anti-divorce. And I'm ashamed to admit I've had one. But, I know in time, I willmarry the person I am meant to be with, someone who every morning I wake up and fall in love with all over again. But, it wont be in my time, it will be in Gods. I will know when he is ready for me to say I do, until then I will wait for the time to come.
I hope whomever may read this will take this to heart, cause not only does divorce ruin your look at every relationship there after, it also ruins you emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually.
2500 dollars for a divorce seems like so much instead of making a good thing work.
Marriage: originally published Sept. 2 2007
So, those of you that know me and know me well KNOW I am struggling with some issues that surround marriage. Not my own ;) I have a great man! and what I consider to be a wonderful marriage. But... more about the entity of marriage. What makes it work.
What makes a marriage work anyway?
God?
love?
Sex?
trust?
Having the same goals?
money?
Struggles that a couple make it through?
I have been thinking about this lately. My brother is journeying into a marriage union soon. A convenant between himself, his bride to be, and God. Do those words mean anything? Do the words you say, if you mean them, seal your relationship? Im so sure that many people have meant the very vows they have spoken to the person they loved on their wedding day and yet the divorce rate is 50%
Will God punish someone for choosing the wrong person... or can the wrong person become the right person with enough work? Does God honor a marriage covenant between 2 people he has not brought together? Does God have anything to do with a happy marriage (not talking about a marriage that furthers the Kingdom... just overall happiness)?
Is obligation ever a motive to get married? What about money or feelings? Why and how do you decide that you legitamately want to spend the rest of your life with one solitary human being? What makes that other person worthy of YOU? what makes YOU worthy of the others love, joys, sorrows, triumphs, defeats?
What is love? Does love make you happy? Is love a feeling, a collection of feelings, a flutter in your stomach?
I have in my head what I think a marriage is. But, I know lots of other people with very different definitions of marriage. Kyles grandparents are very happy together and yet their marriage is very different from mine. Pastor Kent and Becky have a marriage that Kyle and I strive for but its very different than J & K who seem to be legitamately happy and loving in their own relationship. I think of all the types of marriages I have seen... my mom and stepdad, paul and amy, Andy and Amanda, my grandparents, kyles dad and stepmom, T & J, scott and carol,... they are all so vastly different. For some, God is the foundation. He is what holds their marriage together. Pulls them out of the depths of the darkest moments. For others, sheer freaking determination keeps them together. For some others... regardless of religion or determination... they just like each other and never seem to fight or mind being with one another. How does this work? And how do you know if someone is legitamately making a mistake with the person they are choosing? And if it is a mistake, who is to say that determination and working through the fights and downs wont make them right for one another eventually?
I was given some advice once by a dear man in our lives. He said "Love is not a feeling but rather an action. I may not FEEL the love for my wife but I find that if I SHOW her love anyway, I fall in love with her all over again" Is this the essence of human love? It is certainly the best advice about marriage that I have ever received.
I know some soon to be spouses will read this... why are you getting married?
And to the already marrieds... Why did you get married?
One of the reasons I got married is because I felt like I could spend my whole life looking for someone better than Kyle and would never find anyone. He has always cared about my wellbeing and my growth as a person if not equally as much as his own maybe even more than his own. He wants to be a godly man and husband and father. I felt from the time I met him again in high school that he was the man I would marry. I was 14 when I decided he was my future husband :) I feel very strongly that God chose him for me and put him in my life at a time when I needed a best friend and confidant more than ever before. It was a time when I needed desperately to learn to trust and he never hurt me. Those are just a few of the 9 million reasons I married my amazing husband.
Anyway, enough of my ramblings. If you are about to get married... get out a piece of paper and write down the reasons you are marrying this person in the near future. Really examine them and see if they are lasting reasons of if they are material or trivial reasons.
Im glad you arent the only one who questions the reasonings for marraige.
Marraige is not a step people should take unless they can look down the road many years from now and still fall in love with the person they are with.
I took the vows once, and didnt fully mean them, we had nothing holding our relationship together.
And it failed, miserably. I would still be fighting for it to this day if there werent circumstances that could have prevented it. I'm very anti-divorce. And I'm ashamed to admit I've had one. But, I know in time, I willmarry the person I am meant to be with, someone who every morning I wake up and fall in love with all over again. But, it wont be in my time, it will be in Gods. I will know when he is ready for me to say I do, until then I will wait for the time to come.
I hope whomever may read this will take this to heart, cause not only does divorce ruin your look at every relationship there after, it also ruins you emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually.
2500 dollars for a divorce seems like so much instead of making a good thing work.
~Lindy
I got married because I was knocked up.
Kidding. Really. Honest. :)
I knew before I even dated Brian taht we would be together for a long time. After we started dating, I knew within 2 months we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.
We had talked about getting married that fall...Doing a JOP kind of service. When we found out about Kiernan, we told our families we were going to get married and they insisted on doing a bit ole ceremony for us so...yeah. :)
Its been two years for us so far and the honeymoon isn't over yet. :) Well, parts are. We do certainly fart in front of each other and I think we've both caught the other digging wedges and boogers a time or two lol but the love and romance is there. And the admiration and respect for one another as people has only grown stronger.
I don't know anything else to say. :)
~Jasmine
Love it! Sorry I haven't responded before now.
Why did I get married? Hmmm.... Honestly, even though I was a Christian when Andy and I first started talking about marriage, God's will was not first on my mind. I just wasn't used to thinking in those terms yet. So at that point, the answer would have been he was my best friend, we were a great team, and we seemed to compliment each other perfectly. He respected my opinion and was clear in the fact that he supported me as a person as well as my dreams and ambitions. I was smart enough to realize that this was not a package that came around every day, even though I wasn't looking for it at the time.
By the time we got married, it was clear that God's plan for us was to take on the adventure of life together and I have yet to second guess that fact. We continue to compliment one another and are always aware of looking out for the other's best interests. Lately, we have had several conversations with the same underlying theme - we want to give each other the best quality of life possible, even if it means making sacrifices.
So that, like yours, is the short answer.
PS - "Marriage and Babies Don't Fix Anything!" coming to a bookstore near you ;-)
~Amanda
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