Negativity begets negativity

And conversely positivity generates even more positivity.

As a preface... I don't have it all figured out. My marriage has things in it that I need to work toward changing. I worry about things that shouldn't matter and don't in the long run and I do things that frustrate my husband. I love my marriage and I love my husband but I want to make 100% clear, I do not think I have it all figured out. And I want no illusions being put out there that my marriage is perfect and that we never struggle. And now on to our regularly scheduled blog post.

One thing I have noticed about our society in general is that, when it comes to marriage a lot of us tend to focus on the negative aspects of our relationships. I have seen plenty of relationships fail to know that this is one thing that fuels the fire of arguments and beats down husbands and wives alike. But I am not a husband and I generally don't talk to men or get to hear a mans perspective on this very often so I will stick with what I see and hear.

Now, please know that this is advice for myself too. It is conviction for myself. It is something I need to constantly work on. But what I have noticed from women is that many many of us tend to bash our husbands. Whether it be in quiet conversations in the coffee shop, to the girls at church, or on a completely public forum... I see this a lot. And what I want to say is that the way we talk about our husbands influences how we feel about them. "Venting" (a term used when women complain about things) about our husbands and their shortcomings does not serve us well to actually solve problems. It also does not allow us to look internally and see if there is something that we, as a wife, can do to help the problem. All it does is breed negativity. When we only focus on the things they don't do right, we begin to legitimately miss all the things they do well. We see dirty laundry on the floor, overflowing trash cans, frivolous spending (insert whatever annoys you) and NOT that he took the kid out to play on the swing set, saved the extra bit of mashed potatoes at dinner because he knows you love them or sent you a sweet text while at work (insert those sweet things that are unique to your husband).

So I propose we try to focus on the GREAT parts of our husbands. Those things that made us fall in love with them or that makes us fall in love with them again. An amazing sense of humor, long conversations, kindness, great daddyness, warm hugs after a hard day, great sex ;)... Whatever he does right, cling to it. Because focusing on the good makes us see the genuinely amazing parts of the men we chose to spend the rest of our lives with. It also minimizes the daily annoyances and makes us more willing to serve and love our guys. One of my life mottoes is: We can only change ourselves. So when you feel like your marriage is on a cliff and the wind is blowing just a little too hard, choose to find the positive in your mate. Choose to change how you look at the situation and I can bet you will be pleasantly surprised at how well it works.