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I always had big dreams, as a child, of being a stay at home mom until my kids were in school. I didn't know what I would do after that but I assumed I would have 4+ kids so it would take a while to get to that point. But recently, a pretty firm decision that we will not have anymore biological children was made. Most days I am okay with that. 95% of the time I totally GET why we have made such a decision. Delivery was not easy on me with either of my boys. SR delivery, well I don't even really talk about it because it scares me what could have happened. I didn't see his birth because of an emergency c-section. There are many many reasons we have decided not to have anymore children and this decision IS what is best for our family. I feel that way strongly. But I loved pregnancy for the most part and I loved ushering new life into this world. It is an incredible thing. But I have to let go of the dream I had for myself because it is looking like it is not the same dream God has for us. And barring some miracle that includes failed birth control, we are certainly not having anymore children in the realm of soon (at least 5 yrs before we are in a position to begin the adoption process).
So I am letting go. I am selling ALL of my maternity clothes and ALL of the tiny little preemie and NB clothes and ALL of the baby stuff that SR has outgrown already. It has been kind of an emotional week going through all of the stuff I want to sell. The memories surrounding some of the tiniest outfits my sons wore (I will save my absolute favorites). The first maternity outfit I wore to a friends wedding when I was 4 mos pregnant with Super Muscles. Lots and lots of memories. I am getting rid of them though and trusting. Trusting we are making a good decision and that God's plan is bigger than our plan. And I am looking forward to the day when our family gets bigger without me getting bigger ;)
1 comment:
My friend...I didn't know you guys had come to this decision already. But I think you know what is best for your body and your family, and you know when it is time to stop. If you do adopt in a few years, you will be a wonderful blessing to be able to give a family to a child in that way. It is just as wonderful of a way to grow your family.
But I do understand this hard decision. I went through all of Abigail's clothes last spring, when we weren't sure what was on the horizon for us, and I cut them down by half to get rid of. I didn't know if we would be able to have more kids, and I still don't know if we are having a girl. It was hard to let go of those perfect little outfits that have memories attached to each and every piece. But it was freeing, in a way. Our church is sending baby clothes to the children's home in southern IL, so I know many of hers will be going there.
I'm sorry to hear this has been a tough week. You made a tough decision...keep trusting God to show you how your family will look in the future. Love you!
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