not really sure

I am not certain what I want to write just that I would like to. I have been thinking a lot lately about suffering and how I really don't understand it.

A friend of mine lost her job. She has helped me a lot since I moved here. She has no family close. Her kids all live out of state and she is a widow. Now she has no income. I worry about her. I worry about her being lonely and sad and suffering. I don't know what to do for her or what to say to her when she comes to see me next week. I just know that I don't want her to hurt.

I read a caring bridge page today about a little girl who has a brain tumor. She is beautiful. Now she is very ill. The tumor is affecting the parts of her brain that control speech, emotions, and some motor skills. Brain tumors in children are rare. They removed a little bit of it but much of it remains and the course of treatment is tricky and long and... sadly, this child will suffer, a lot, before it is all said and done.

I have a friend who is really depressed and is having a hard time functioning through it. She is suffering with something not quite tangible but it has a strong grasp on her.

I know people going through infertility and child loss. I have seen people want more than anything to be able to create a child and be unsuccessful with no real explanation. Or, sometimes worse, with an explanation but nothing that can really be done about it.

The list just goes on and on and on of people all around me suffering and I wonder why. My own mind is tormented about some things constantly and about them, I suffer. I know in my head why but I just can't come to grips with it.

I guess it has just been one of those days. We got some sad news today on top of a lot of other things I have been thinking about and it seems to be piling up for me. Please pray for our family, esp Mr. Wonderful. One of his family members has lung cancer as well as some other things going on in his body. He is a man my husband really respects and cares about (me too). I just really don't want him to suffer. I have no clue what that means as it plays out in his life. But I pray he does not experience a lot of pain and that the pain he is experiencing now is healed. May God reveal himself in this and all situations we face.