kind of bummed today

Today I am feeling kind of down. I don't know if I can accurately explain it but I will try. I am shy... no, really... I am. I know people don't think that about me sometimes because once I get to know someone I talk a lot. I am also in a stage of life that I don't find many people in around here. I am a young (23) parent of two boys who is finding it difficult to make friends. I have one friend here that I know that I know that I know I can count on if I ever need something. She is the same friend who I actually trust to watch my children. I don't have family close. I have church but... again, not many people in our boat. Not do discount the friendships I have through church and how amazing the church we go to is. But I still feel... lonely. I have lots of people who are more than willing to do things with me and my children but I haven't really clicked with many people here or found a group of close friends who I can call when I need someone to help cheer me up.

The kicker... I know a lot of it is my fault. I am hesitant to meet people and to open up. I don't trust people very easily. And I don't like to admit that I sometimes need help with my children.

I have tried to change this about myself so many times. I am just not sure how to make it stick. But if I don't open up and make some friends, I imagine I am going to feel this way for however long we have left here then for however long we are in a new place, etc.

Some Goals

Recently I have been trying to think of some things I would like to accomplish. I think having goals focuses your life in a way where you can improve. And, I think one of the main purposes in life is to improve over time. To learn new lessons, to live better, to love better... to improve. So here are some ways that I wish to improve over the next several months:

1) Spend less time on the computer. I think by doing this my house will be cleaner ;) I am really good about not ignoring my children but I ignore housework in favor of the computer often.
2) Continue making healthier choices about food. I have recently gotten rid of all caffeine in my diet and am now working on getting rid of that last bit of soda I drink (maybe 1 caffeine free, clear soda a week). I would like to focus on arranging our budget to where I can purchase more fresh fruits and vegetables and also really start training myself to like healthier foods. I did not grow up eating how I would like to eat so I have a lot of old habits to break.
3) Lose 15 more lbs. This will include continuing to work out (adding some gym time) and being strict about what I eat, when I eat and why I eat.
4) Remodel bathroom... this is a big goal for me because it is something that could really increase the value of our home when we sell in a few years. Ultimately I would like to do everything with the help of friends except the plumbing (we need some pretty extensive reworking of the plumbing in the tub).
5) Get a dSLR and learn about photography. Hopefully take a class locally.

So that is it... those are the goals I plan to focus on over the next several mos. At least 6 mos. Keep me honest and ask me how I am doing sometime.

Win free BGs and babylegs!

Check it out! nothing better than Bum Genius cloth diapers... ask Slobber Rocket, he loves them!

6 mos old...

It is hard to believe but my baby boy is now 6 months old. I am not quite sure where that time went. Slobber Rocket is now crawling, sitting up, getting from his knees to sitting or laying down to sitting. He also gets up on his hands and feet and moves around like that. He is not a great sleeper but neither was big brother until about age 1. So... I am trying not to get too frustrated. He eats all night long. Sometimes that makes for one tired mama. Everyone tells me how big he is but I still think he is a bit of a peanut. Just getting into size 3 mos. He is very grabby and feely too. He loves to snuggle and loves to grab, manipulate and feel things. He may be starting to teethe but I am not sure when those first teeth will poke through. He is gnawing on everything but has no signs of a tooth erupting just yet other than the slobber. He has very sensitive skin and most likely already has allergies (what a thing to inherit). But mostly he is fabulous and beautiful and fun to be around. Smiley and happy most of the time. Easy to calm... I am in love with him.

This weekend we are moving on to a big thing in the lives of babies... solids. First up: avocado mush thinned out with a little milk. Delish! I will be sure to take pictures for all to see! :)

Random stuff... :)

We went to the combined church service tonight and learned about a really cool Activity Center in East St. Louis, IL. It is called the Christian Activity Center and wow, they do so much for the very poor children living on very dangerous streets. They are set up right in the middle of these rough neighborhoods and provide a place all day and most of the evening/night for the children of E. St Louis to come and DO. They have activities, tutoring, meals, health and nutrition education... and they just keep a ton of kids off of the street and safe. It was really cool to hear Chet talk about this place that just... loves on children and protects them from the rough streets they live in. So, if you want to check out the website, there are a few ways to get involved from short term mission projects to donating money to send a child to camp in the summer. I hope to go visit at some point. The children there are so beautiful and precious.

Stellan is very ill again and in the hospital. He has been riding out today with a heart rate pretty much hanging around 230 beats per minute. Please keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers.

People at our church are cool... that is a freebie ;) I just had a good day hanging out with a lot of really neat people.

Tomorrow we play softball (7 &9... I play at 9... if you are interested, at Dodds) and I will get weird looks for keeping the kids out until 10. But Super Muscles loves it! And babies can sleep anywhere so its all good.

That's all I got.

Summer Splash... the sequal

Well, I should be cleaning considering I have company in a bit. BUT I think most people know I hate cleaning so I am procrastinating! Yippee!

Anyway, we had a pool party on July first with our church but it was TOO COLD to swim. So we still grilled out and then we just hung out. Well, the owner of the swim club said we could come back so yesterday we grilled out again (yum) and then we swam. It was pretty chilly. Low 70s probably and the water was cold (so I am told, I didn't get in). My friend, Joanna, let me play around with her camera. It was fun. I really can't wait to get a dSLR. The time is coming. Anyway, here are some pictures from the party!Here is sweet little Super Muscles playing by he pool. It took him a good long time before he would get into the pool. But eventually, he did. And I was kind of proud because he was scared and he did it anyway.
More cuteness in some silly goggles. He loved these things!
It is me! With Baby J... hes trying to give me a kiss. I am a luck girl ;)
And we can't forget my Pumpkin Head! So cute!

Not My Child Monday

If you want to participate in Not Me Monday... head on over to MckMamas blog to see what it is all about and take a crack at it...

My child most certainly did not run into our bedroom the other morning to tell his Daddy "my penis growed overnight!"... Our child would never do something like that.

He also would never ask his mommy when he was going to die. (He is also not crazy obsessed with death right now because that would be a bit morbid).

Super Muscles would never ever kill a butterfly in Sunday school class and convince all the kids in his class to help him finish off the poor thing (not that said kids would ever help destruct any life of any kind... ever).
Slobber Rocket isn't mobile yet. 5 mos old are too young to scoot and crawl...

My big kid would NEVER be such a poor sport to tell someone who struck out at the softball the other night that they "FAILED"... he wouldn't scream "FAILED" at the top of his lungs when someone messed up. That would just be mean. And it certainly was NOT his father who taught him such things and that same father would never laugh when our 3 yr old said something so mean.

That same child didn't say "I love you" you the other day and when I said it back...he didn't reply to me "I was NOT talking to YOU Mom, I was talking to Mike"...