Some things are moving in the right direction

I have been so busy lately. Don't even really know where to start. I guess we can start with my knee... I tore my acl again for sure. I am in PT twice a week until I see the surgeon on April 5. Slobber Rocket is bouncing between slightly anemic and normal hemoglobin levels on his CBCs. It can be normal variability though. But his ferritin is low (his iron stores) so he is taking ferrous sulfate for a couple of months to see if we can get his iron stores up. One of his hormone screens also came back abnormal. So he does need a stimulation test but we are still unsure about how we are going to proceed. The current thought is to have us come back to St Louis in 3 mos and do a short stim test and if he fails it do the longer one. But she would really rather wait until he is a bit older before trying to do the longer one. And I don't think waiting until he is 3 is that big of a deal. We are still discussing it. She should be calling me this week to tell me about his hand xrays that she had sent to her office. She wanted to read them herself. He had them taken maybe 6 months ago. That is sort of the DL on me and the blonde one.

As far as moving in the right direction... I was cleaning up the kitchen today and thinking. Just... thinking. I do this a lot when I am cleaning. My kids seem to hide when the brooms and rags are brought out so it is fairly quiet in the house then. And the thought of my husband came into my head and just how people have perceived us. Ever since we started dating, people have pretty much openly thought that he was too good for me. He is smarter than me, kinder than me, more successful than me... the list is kind of long. If it wasn't high school friends saying these things it was parents insinuating them and if it wasn't them it was people in the professional world giving me this dumbfounded stare when MW introduces me and they ask me what I do and I say I am a stay at home mom. It has been reinforced for so long that I have often thought that he was better than me. That I just... I don't know, didn't deserve him. But as I was standing in the kitchen this morning thinking... a big smile creeped up on my face and for the first time that I can remember I very much thought... "I am just as worthy as he is." Just as worthy of happiness, success, health. And I am just as valuable as he is. He definitely treats me like I am and he always has. But I have never really believed it. I am not sure why I didn't and I am not sure I can put my finger on why those thoughts have changed. But I am glad that for the first time in my relationship I feel like I am as deserving of him as he is of me. I am a respectful person, I am kind, trustworthy, honest, compassionate, smart. I am a good wife and a good mom. I am educated and when I am not knowledgeable about something, I learn about it. I am capable and valuable and especially valuable in my relationship with my family and in my role in this life I have. And I feel pretty darn good about that today.