A Parent's Role

A friend of mine and I have been talking a lot about having children and when you know you are ready and how you know your kids will turn out okay and you won't screw them up. She is married and they are considering trying for children soon. I am really the only person her age that she knows who has a few years of parenting experience. So today at lunch we were talking about what a parent's role is... It is something I have thought about a lot in the past. I often wonder what people think their role is in their child/ren's life. I am sure it varies. But I think every parent should try and answer this question because then it kind of gives you a philosophy that helps you structure how and what you teach your children.

I think my role as a mother to my children is to set a good example for them on how to treat others and how to treat myself (as a result modeling them how to treat themselves). I think I need to respect them as people so that they can learn how to respect others. Ideally I want my children to grow up to be content in life. No matter what they have or what they don't have... I want them to find peace and contentment. I want them to be independent thinkers and not just believe something because other people say it is true. I want them to explore ideas and thirst for knowledge. I don't want them to always make choices based on what will make me and their dad happy or their significant other or their friends or their boss... (because, lets face it, that has never brought me ANY peace or contentment). I want them to have dreams and to value themselves enough to go after them. I hope that they treat all others with respect and dignity. I hope they value truth and stick to their moral convictions. And I hope that we model our marriage for them to be one they see love, sacrifice and teamwork in. I hope that we teach them everyday how to work out problems with the people you love (and even with people you don't much care for) with compromise and understanding.

Wow... being a parent seems daunting when you write it all out. I wonder how much of that we actually have control of. I know so many people who have had amazing parents and have turned into not very nice people. I know so many people who were raised by douche bags who somehow turn out to be decent people and great parents. So to some extent, I think we have a lack of control but we do shape our children. I mean its not a 1 to 1 correlation by any means but their childhoods and the habits modeled are often times the foundation for how children learn how to interpret the world and handle problems.

So I guess from my list of things I want for my children... the biggest things I think that I need to do as their mom is to encourage independence and critical thinking. Encourage them to go after their dreams hard core. SHOW them how to treat others with love and respect. Love their dad the best way I can. And always model to them my beliefs and explain to them why I believe what I do and how I came to the conclusions I came to. Role play and discuss appropriate ways to handle conflict and fear. And always always be honest with them. That is kind of my plan anyway. I know I will fail sometimes. I mean, I have failed sometimes already. But these children are 2 of the biggest and most important blessings in my life and I have promised to do things to better their odds at becoming amazing adults with the potential to make an impact on their communities.

And since I am trying to do this whole positivity thing lately... the one thing I am most proud of as a parent is that my children have very carefree lives to this point. Yes, we have had health problems, money problems, family problems but to this point I feel like they are very secure and trust us to keep them safe. By the time I was Super Muscles age, my parents were already divorced, I was going to a babysitter who was abusive, going home to a boyfriend of my moms who was also abusive... I thought no one loved me, especially not my dad. I felt alone because I was the only girl. And I KNOW that my children are loved and feel loved and that means the world to me.

So... what do you find to be your role as a parent and how do you plan to meet the expectations of the role you are creating for yourself as a parent?