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I have mentioned before about my bio father and finding info about him. I have recently found an easy way to contact him and my young half sibling. I have decided to completely ignore the fact that I know my young siblings information because I don't feel it is my place quite yet to contact her. She is too young for me to go telling her things I am not sure she knows yet. It would be selfish and cruel (though she is an age I feel she could make legitimate decisions about how she feels). Anyway so that doesn't play into this scenario at all. I guess I am wondering if I should contact my bio father. I wish I could explain it simply but I can not and it won't make sense to many people or maybe it will???? I am not sure.
Anyway, he left my family when I was very young and I have only seen him for a short period of time when I was 5 or 6 and not since. He contributed to getting my older brother involved in a lot of bad stuff, helped him to see and experience a lot of bad stuff. Put my mom through some horrible things. I have 2 half siblings who he also put through some tough stuff. I could go to the depths of it all but will sum it up by saying... he started a trend in mine and my brothers lives of bad people being let into our lives.
Then there is... me... I feel so hurt and I am not sure if I want to open myself up to more hurt. I also don't want to open my family to hurt of any kind. I am good. I have a good life with a good husband and amazing children. I struggle sometimes with my past but it is mostly just my past. I am not so sure I am ready to open the floodgates of my past. But the truth is... I am curious. Curious to know if there is any regret or heart ache. Curious to know if he thinks about us and how we are doing. Wondering if there is any pride in what we have done with our lives so far. Mostly fear though. Why would anyone want to contact a person who has only hurt them and those they love? That makes no sense. And maybe that is where I rest for today.
1 comment:
I understand the curiosity, but what if you don't like his answers? Does that help any?
My parents were never married and my dad has just never seemed to care. I would usually see him a few times a year and he always gave me GREAT presents, of course when I was younger I loved this! But I finally realized why he did it, to try and buy my love. We have always lived w/in an hour of him, for many year about 10,ins away, but he never made the effort and now I could care less. I would actually preefer to not see him at all, my kids don't need that confusion, especially since the rest of their grandparents are around and active in their lives. He's only seen Rowan a handful of times and Eli only once! I actually found out last year that I have a half-brother just a few years younger than me. My dad called to tell me about him, and mentioned something about how he kind of thought he had a kid w/ this lady. That really pissed me off- I just don't get how you ignore something like that!! Anyway that's just my story, hope you find some peace in the whole matter! I do think coming from this situation makes me even more appreciative of what a great dad my kids have :)
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