Bullying

THIS is such a good (even if long) read.

I hated middle school... it was seriously the worst 3 years I can think of (and that is saying A LOT). I was teased a lot, I was threatened, I had very few friends, I hated myself. I was short and small and shy. But eventually the teasing helped to turn me into angry and hateful. I wanted some people to die in middle school. I can even feel the sadness just thinking back on it. Heck, I wanted to curl up and die myself many times. I got into a fight one time with a girl that teased me all the time because eventually the teasing turned from me to my mom and what a whore she was (my mom is not a whore by the way). It was the first time I ever used violence to get my way. I was in the 6th grade. And... it worked. Now, I am not saying I became a bully but I did become mean. I protected myself and distanced myself at every juncture that I could. I only had one good friend in middle school and she didn't go to my school. At school I was pretty alone. I did have this sweet red headed boy that I started "dating" at one point who was nice to me. But for whatever reason that didn't work out. Probably because I was mean. ha.

I wish I could say that was my first and only fight. It wasn't... a few months later I got into a fight in my front yard with a set of sibs from down the street who were bullying my brother. I ended up with a handful of hair missing but I sent them both home crying. I smacked the crap out of a kid at a middle school dance for being mean (and nasty) to me when I was dancing with a kid that asked me to dance. He was another loner. Not anyone I liked at all or really knew but I hated feeling like dances were not fun and I hated seeing other people who looked as sad as I felt. Another time... I was playing football with my brother and some friends and one of the kids got angry with me when I got past him for a touchdown. We ended up on the ground because he tackled me as I crossed into the designated end zone. He was mad and he bit me (he was 12 probably). All I could see is red and I got up and just started kicking him... in the head. Eventually my brother helped get me off of him and he ran home crying and had his mom come over to deal with it all. I never got into trouble for fighting (it was the middle of the winter and I had 2 pairs of pants on and the kid who bit me left a giant bruise and teeth marks and blood on my leg) but I can assure you that is never who I wanted to be. But I felt like if I didn't start taking up for myself no one would. And I will defend myself by saying I never picked on other kids or hurt someone for the hell of it. As I neared the end of 8th grade, things did get a little better. At the very least people realized I was an angry kid who wasn't going to be pushed around. I had definitely gotten a reputation for no longer being the easiest target. But gosh I hated who I was and what I felt it was necessary to do to get the teasing to be more bearable. The constant picking to lessen.

High school was much better in a lot of ways. My freshman year was hard. I didn't make many friends. But I was in classes with people who, generally, didn't really talk to me. There were still some mean kids left over from middle school but it was mild comparatively speaking. There were isolated incidences with one girl that I remember vividly. Some times in pre-calculus and French when she would say things to me and I would feel my blood boiling. I ignored it a lot but I did have an outburst when she was very nasty to me one time in French class. I was so embarrassed that I had let her get to me. No one said a word to me though. It was probably the nicest thing a teacher ever did for me... let me stand up for myself without consequence. I just remember her saying something loudly enough that everyone in the class heard and many kids started snickering. I stood up where I was, looked right at her and, not so nicely, told her that she was a jerk and bully and she needed to shut the (maybe a choice word or two) up and leave me alone from now on. I am pretty sure that was the last time that year she said a single word to me.

Sometime in the middle of my freshman year I started asking a sweet blonde haired, blue eyed guy to help me with my math homework. THAT is when things really started to seem better for me. I eventually started dating that sweet guy who valued me and cared about me. I didn't have many friends  but I did have ONE person who genuinely cared about me. One person who believed in me. I still had moments that were hard and I still had a reputation for being explosive when antagonized. But it was slowly getting manageable. I had a person who was reinforcing in me that there were good things. I rarely believed him but his kindness and love encouraged me every day. His letters made me smile and the effort he went through to make sure I was taken care of was noble and wonderful (can you see why I married him? He is totally still that guy who has my back, encourages me, and pushes me to be a better woman).

All I can do is tell my story. I know from experience that bullying sucks. Bullying is hard and hurtful. The effects don't really fully get erased. Life gets so much better after you escape the confines of middle school and high school though. You get to pick a college or career or start a family. And people really learn who they are and what they value, you have a much wider and broader type of people to pick your friends from. You aren't forced into situations where the people you dislike are picking on you. You start to make your own choices and you make amazing, life long friends. You meet your Amanda's and Amy's and Lora's and Joanna's... the people who will be there to share joy and sorrow with you. Who can help you through all that is hard and enjoyable in life.

People have been saying it over and over and it is totally worth repeating: you are strong! Get through high school and the world will open up to you. You will meet people who value you and you will fall in love and start families, you will get great educations and meaningful careers. And life IS totally worth the wait. Living your dreams is worth it. Your dreams matter and are beautiful.

Parents... teach your children to love. Talk to them. Be involved in their education. DO with them. If you had parents who were amazing, emulate that. If you didn't...  DO all that you wished your parents had done with you. But most importantly instill into your children respect, love and honor for all people because that is the biggest step in creating a loving school environment for ALL of our children.