Achieving Happiness

I am very confused oftentimes by what people think will make them happy. The perfect job, the right girl or guy, a great sex or party life, the "right" degree... the list goes on and on and on. If I just had a bigger house, or better stuff, or more money my life would be better. But life doesn't work like that. People are not happy based on what they achieve or how others make them feel. Happiness is intrinsic. If you can't find happiness with or without the perfect life, you aren't going to find it. Because no one can attain a perfect life and even if it feels nearly perfect, it only takes one disaster for things to crumble. If you aren't happy before you get the best car out there or the hottest guy out there or the best education out there... why do you think you will be happy after that? I mean... sure... achieving a goal can enhance your life but if you weren't genuinely happy before, the novelty of that goal will soon wear off.

We all know people (or we may be this person) who are SO excited about their accomplishments for a while. They have the best girlfriend EVER. Or the best job EVER. And you hear all about it from them too.  But then they find themselves unhappy 2 months down the road... is it that their girlfriend is the devil or their job totally stinks? They don't stop and think that maybe the great girlfriend just covered up the misery for a while with the newness of an on fire romance. Or that the job still has great potential but it is an easy target to blame your anger on. These same people are the ones who constantly compare their lives to others thinking that if they look good enough or better than others, they will feel better. And maybe they do in the moment? Or maybe these people don't one up everyone but berate themselves for not being AS good as everyone else. But I feel like these people are missing the big blinking sign. Something that seems so blatantly obvious to me: If you are happy and I mean genuinely happy, you don't need the best and you don't need to be the best. You can have what you have and feel blessed. You can be who you are and feel loved.

I just wish some people who I really care about could just let go of all of their anger and stop blaming all the bad on all the situations in their life. For most, it isn't that they keep falling upon bad luck! It is simply that they are not happy and are expecting things and people to rectify that. But that doesn't work and it won't ever work. Bad stuff happens to everyone (granted some select people get their unfair share of the crap). But if you can't forgive and let go, that bad stuff is going to run your life. And no amount of great achievement will heal the pain or make you happy. This is not coming from someone with a rosy life either. I have had to learn this lesson the hard way and there was a lot of suffering, a lot of growing up, a lot of counseling to get me to the point where I can look at my life in most situations and be happy and content. This is me being honest... I used to be a very angry and bitter person. I am thankful that most of the people I know today did not know me then. I just did not react well to my past for pretty much all of my teenage years and sometimes I still struggle with some of that stuff and even intensely at times. And I also blamed my unhappiness on my past and on many other things. But thankfully I have been able to let go of a lot of the anger and have learned that I have value and am not to blame for much of what has happened to me. No, I don't have it all figured out. I suffer from times of very extreme anxiety. I see a doctor routinely to make sure I am doing well. I could probably use counseling because I have lots of issues from my past to sort out. Even some of my past that is resurfacing because of varying situations I am going through right now. But I am a much more stable person for learning these lessons. The past can rule your life or... it can make you a more empathetic and loving person. In many ways it is up to us to decide what we let it do. Allowing it make us a better person takes a lot of work. And the work is never over. It is daily maintenance to beat down the demons that some of us face. But it is worth it to find contentment in life.

This post is nothing like what I set out to write but I guess that is okay. If anyone would like to speak to me more in depth about anything I have written about, you can leave your email address in the comments or get in touch with me (my email address is in my profile). I would love to discuss anything related to overcoming a hard childhood, abuse, counseling, or depression and anxiety. I would never ever betray someones trust with something so delicate and personal just so you know. And if you don't want to talk to me (because you know me too well or you have not really dealt with some of these heavy things before), I definitely encourage you to find a counselor you can trust. I had a counselor in college along with a few friends (one who I now call my husband) who literally stopped me from spiraling completely out of control.