He is still a peanut

I took the boys to the pediatrician today for well visits. Super Muscles had a "late" 4 year visit and Slobber Rocket had a 15 month visit.

Super Muscles was horrible. Like... really, he was bad. I have never in my life seen him behave so horrible for anyone. He hated the blood pressure cuff, refused the hearing test, didn't enjoy the vision test. Then he was mean to his brother pretty much the whole time I was discussing some important things with the doctor. We were interrupted by him at least 50 times. I really wasn't all that amused. Then she tried to look at him and it was an absolute no go. Screaming, thrashing, freaking out. Wouldn't let her shine light into his eyes, wouldn't let her look in his ears or his mouth, wouldn't sit on my lap. I had to drag him out from under the couch and put him on my lap and lay him down for her. She ended up checking his mouth after his belly because... he was screaming and that meant his mouth was wide open. I had to hold him down for ears too. Ugh, she must have thought I have no control over him ever. Seriously, he was THAT bad. THEN he had to get 3 shots. Well he didn't HAVE to but I figured why not get them out of the way. So I told him he was going to get 3 pokes before the nurses got in there and he hid some more under the couch. Thankfully 2 nurses came in and they each attacked an arm at the same time. But that didn't stop the screams. My ears were on fire. But he is healthy! lol. We are going to start him on some zyrtec and see if it helps his seasonal allergies before doing anything complicated about that. Since then, hes been in a mega crappy mood and is complaining a lot about his arms hurting and how nothing will ever make them feel better. Good times to come, I am sure.

Slobber Rocket was much more pleasant. He is still tiny tiny. He has gained a few ounces but he is still well, well below the charts for weight (like .002% is what she said) and his isn't getting much taller either. His height is sitting right at 28.5 inches which is under the 2nd%. He is developmentally very perfect though and his brain is growing well. So we are going to see about arranging regular feeding help for him to see if we can increase his solids. She saw my points on why I dislike pediasure and was very supportive of me continuing to nurse him but at the same time she, like everyone else, doesn't think supplementing with pediasure is a bad idea. I think I will hold off on that though. 18-23 g of sugar per serving is not something I can swallow unless I have to. Also he is not transitioning to solids and I don't think putting so many liquid calories in his diet is beneficial considering he still really needs to learn to eat. I am hoping speech therapy or maybe some OT will be helpful. His height and weight are more typical for a baby that is 6+ months younger than he is so it is very bothersome but I have a real problem sacrificing my beliefs on healthy eating. Plus, this is not just a weight issue. He is not growing in length much at all either. She is going to call some colleagues about him and see if there is anything we might be missing and check on some growth issues. I really liked her she was very willing to admit that growth problems are not an area she has a lot of knowledge in but that she would research it and talk to some other doctors who know more and let me know. He does need to go back in a month or so to be weighed and measured again. But, as far as his health, he seems pretty healthy. Learning normally, his head is on a growth curve! 1 for 3 :) So that means his brain is growing normally or at least, that is the word on the street. So now I just wait to see if there are any new ideas out there that don't involve telling me I don't feed my kid enough (did that sound bitter?... it was, but only a little).

It does get a little frustrating to hear people tell me to make him hungry enough and eventually he will eat. Right... maybe most kids but not this kid. It is so stressful most of the time to feed him that I want to cry. He refuses to eat 99% of food he is offered. His go to items are cracker like foods and yogurt... um, that is about it. He will eat mac n cheese on a good day and sometimes he will touch fruit with his fingers and I cheer. Decreasing nursing has only meant he gets fewer calories in a day because his solid intake is not increasing. And just as much as I can't feed him 60g of sugar a day from pediasure, I can't feed him grains and yogurt all day either. Although, admittedly, I feel better about grains and yogurt because at least he is working on chewing and/or swallowing not just drinking. Anyway that is enough for today. I guess I will update when the doctor calls me back regarding speech therapy and any other info she gathers up.

Starting to feel better

Thought everyone would like a good update on my health. I aim to please. My cough is finally gone! I am taking my asthma controller meds every day and once I got rid of a fungal infection in my mouth (ewww gross), it seems to be working quite well. Now in addition to rinsing, I try to brush my teeth right after I take it. I also have some lozenges to take if the fungal thing comes back. I am also starting to use my rescue inhaler a lot less! Wee!!! I was using it multiple times a day, especially since the pollen has been so bad this year. But the controller is finally helping my breathing enough that I only have to take the albuterol when I go out in the morning on bad pollen days or when I work out (which still means I take it at least once a day, most days). I definitely still have my normal allergy issues. But when I stop nursing the little one, I am hoping to start immunotherapy and some better allergy meds (medication options are extremely limited when you are nursing). But what I have going is working okay for now. I feel better than I have in a long while.

I have also made a renewed commitment to take better care of my body. I have been consistently working out for just over a month now and it is really helping my mood and energy. I am also trying to eat better. I struggle with eating because... well, I will be honest... because we don't have a lot of money. Every time I set out to do better for my family, I get very discouraged. I can buy so much more food and spend a lot less money if it is processed or "convenience foods". I went to the grocery yesterday and we spent $40 over budget because I bought only lean meats and fresh produce. It is definitely tastier and better for our bodies but... I have a budget! And apparently there aren't many coupons for meat or produce. Go figure. If anyone has any brilliant cost effective solutions for me, I am all ears. I fail at this every time I try because I can not make it fit my $75/week grocery budget. Oh, and as nice as a garden of my own would be, my yard poses many issues for this... just trust me. And let me just say, I do not get whey processed foods and convenience foods are cheaper. You would think that in a country with heart disease and diabetes being so rampant there would be some kind of movement to make healthy eating doable for all families. Okay... my food rant is over! But really, ideas are welcome.

Anyway, I work out too late at night. Honestly, I don't have much other time to do it but it means I am wide awake at 11:30 instead of in bed like everyone else. I think I need to try to get up before the boys wake up but I am not a morning person so I don't actually see that happening. Most of the time, doing it during nap time doesn't work either. I often times need to move my children to different rooms so they can both get the rest they need which means I am extremely limited on where in my own home I can go (the joys of a 900 sq ft house).

And... I think I am fresh out of random thoughts so I am going to try and get to sleep even though I probably have way too much energy to actually get to sleep,

I feel like I have heard this story before

I was talking to my mom on the phone this morning. We did our normal chit chat and she was really just calling to see how my husband was doing because she knows how close he is to his grandparents. We eventually got into a conversation about my younger brother's father in law. He is 39 years old and had a heart attack last week. One of those nasty congenital (just meaning his specific heart problem was present at birth and "missed") heart attacks you hear about that usually hit a person and they fall over dead. Thankfully that didn't happen to B! Anyway as my mom was telling this story she said "well, since he is a nurse he recognized the symptoms right away and called 911 and that combined with the paramedics effort and the surgery saved his life".

And I said... "Mom, I know who saved his life because I have heard this story before". Rewind to Tuesday when we were visiting my husbands grandfather and family... my husband's dad was telling us a story of a run that he had for a heart attack the previous week. He is a paramedic. He told us about the medications he administered and getting the man to the hospital very quickly. I asked about his demographics and he told me "you know, it was really strange. He was a nurse in his 30's who seemed quite healthy".  So I called my father in law today and sure enough that is who the run was for last week.

Apparently B's quick thinking, my father in laws paramedic skills, and the hospital doing the fastest stint surgery every done at their hospital all worked together to allow him to live. A mistake anywhere really would have been fatal. So I am thankful that B is okay and proud of my father in law. He has saved many lives over the years.

I am amazed sometimes how small the world seems to be. I mean, I wonder what the odds are that my husbands dad (who actually only picks up shifts now with this company because he works full time in another county) would be the one to get the call to go help my brother's father in law? The odds have to be remarkably small. At any rate... B is a lucky man to have had the paramedic he had that day. He is darn good at his job!

The death of a good man

When I was 14 years old, I started dating my husband. We were never NOT serious. There were no high school break ups or arguments where we didn't talk for weeks. A lot of our friends had relationships like that but we never did. In fact, we would end up engaged before we graduated high school and married after our first year in college. When I was meeting my husbands family for the first time, he could not wait to introduce me to his grandparents. He is super close with his dad's parents. He spent a lot of time as a child with them. His parents both had full time jobs and his Nana watched him. When his papa got home he would run up and jump into his arms. He taught his Papa to play Mario Brothers the "right way" when he was four. His grandparents had a definite influence on the man my husband would become. They fostered his love for learning and really when he was pretty young he may have spent more time with them than he sometimes spent with his own parents. I fell instantly in love with Nana and Papa. They were a strong couple who loved one another fiercely. They weren't as demonstrative as my family has always been but you could look at them and just tell they would do anything for one another.

With 40+ years of marriage under their belt, I loved listening to stories of their adventures together. Traveling with the military all over the world, illnesses overcome, struggles of having kids 11 years apart... so many stories. And sometimes we would bust out all the old pictures. "That is Bobby in Japan when he went to his Junior prom" "wow, that dress is... interesting. was that the style" "Oh yea, Bobby would not have went to the prom with an 'uncool' girl". When we went to our own Senior prom, Nana and Papa's house was a place that was on our list to visit. We ate dinner at their house every single Sunday evening through most of our high school years. We would play spades. I was usually on Papa's team and we would laugh and play for hours. We also played uno often. And we watched sports (I am pretty sure they would watch any sport on television if Glenn Beck wasn't on... oddly enough Papa claims to be a democrat). Sometimes we would just be running around town hanging out and just stop in on a Saturday afternoon and raid the fridge. I am sure they knew that meant we were broke but they loved it ;) I was part of their family. I am part of their family. I have even gotten a few coveted hugs from Papa. As in, it is almost unheard of to see him hug someone. It has been so easy to love them.

This morning, Papa's body finally stopped struggling after battling lung cancer. We did get home in time to say good bye to a man who has been such an influence in our lives. He did wake up for a while and talk to us. MW great aunt told him she loved him and he replied with his usual wit " I love me too!" Seeing him struggle was very hard. I think everyone told him it was okay to stop the fight because seeing him like that was by far one of the hardest things I have ever seen. Such an independent man. He was a master sergeant in the air force and he didn't take orders from anyone. He did things his own way and he earned his way and worked hard in life. A man absolutely full to the brim of integrity. Honest, loyal, kind, and witty. Without a doubt one of the most intelligent men I have ever met. When people tell me that my husband reminds them of his Papa, I am proud.

Today has been kind of somber. I have been trying to explain to my four year old how when you are older and sick, your body eventually stops working. There have been no tears from him yet but he has told me that he is very sad. He also asked if he was dying. *sigh*. I told him he was young and healthy and strong and not to worry about dying. I don't know if those are the right words but I don't want him to be scared of death.

Anyway, if you could say a prayer for our family or send them some love right now, that would be awesome. Nana is, obviously, crushed right now. They have been married for 50+ years. I think I have written enough. I just felt like getting a bit out. It is weird how you can just find out someone has died and already miss them like they have been gone a very long time.

I am sick...

The 6 medications I was on last week (2 are completed though)

In case you missed the memo. I have had some kind of infection for weeks now. 4 rounds of antibiotics, steroids to kick my cough. new inhalers, allergy medications and still freaking sick. Blood work on Monday indicates I still have an infection. I have to go back in soon to discuss the results of my blood work with Dr. P. Wee! And the results were sent to my ENT as well. I am hoping we can figure out what is going on inside my crazy body soon. But I am, admittedly, a bit scared to find out too. Hopefully it is no big deal and just figuring it out will yield a much healthier and better feeling me. I have been working out every day and I am feeling a bit better lately. Not as tired. It is just a lot to think about. You never think that you will be sick a lot. And I always keep thinking that once we get this thing figured out, I will finally feel better. Once we get my ear fixed, I will finally feel better. Once we get my infection figured out and under control, I will finally feel better. Sometimes I feel a bit sorry for myself too. But, there is nothing *I* can do to change what is going on inside my body. So I have to let go of the worry. Anyway, that is why I have been scarce. I plan to post pictures of the boys' room when I get it all done so stay tuned! There isn't much left to do but I do need to scrub the floors and do some organizing.