Conviction is a tough pill to swallow. Today I turned on the radio twice to the bridge of Sidewalk Prophets song "you love me anyway".
I am the thorn in your crown, but you love me anyway. I am the sweat from your brow, but you love me anyway. I am the nail in your wrist, but you love me anyway. I am Judas' kiss, but you love me anyway.
See now, I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking
Yes then, I turned away with a smile on my face
With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night, I still called out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life
The conviction is maybe not where you would expect it to be. The conviction is about relationships I have with people. A particular person actually. If this is how God exhibited his love to us... I must find the conviction and compulsion to love like that. And I do have a compulsion to love many people to the best of my ability. But its there, the knowledge that there are a couple of people who I have not been able to love. Spite and anger covers them and covers me. And I am ashamed. I am sorry.
But I had a friend tell me today that sometimes the best way you can love someone is to let them go. Sometimes staying there keeps the cycle going. Sometimes being there to prop them up pulls you down and hurts you instead of helping them. So I distanced myself from someone tonight. And I am very sad. I want to love this person and I want to treat them with respect and love. And I feel like right now this is the best way I can do that. But it hurts.