Kanee and ch-ch-ch-changes

"Mom, is that word ka-nee?" "no Buddy, that word is knee, when a K and an N are next to each other at the beginning of a word it makes an 'Nnn' sound" "well that doesn't make any sense" "You are right K, there are lots of rules in the English language that don't make much sense but we have to learn them if we want to be good readers and writers" "well, it is still silly"... well there you have it. And I mus say, I agree with him :) It is a pretty dumb "rule". Anyway, my kanee is doing about as well as can be expected. Still very sore and very tired from surgery. Having issues sleeping and the sleeping/pain med combo gives me terrifying dreams. My flexion is up well past 60 degrees out of 120 and I am starting into strengthening exercises. I can put some weight on my leg using crutches and walk a bit but I get tired and winded and SWEATY easily yet. Oh well. It will come back in time. See my dr tomorrow and will discuss the massive contact rash and many blisters I have on my knee. Oh the joy of being allergic to everything under the sun. Should start hardcore PT this week too. If you can help with my peanut boy some... let me know. I am looking for a rotation to help with him. I will likely have PT MWF for a few weeks then twice a week... and tapering off for several months.

And about the changes... I just want people to know... or kano that I have and am going to continue to make positive changes in my life. It is really unfortunate if you don't want to come along the journey with me but I can not let you hold me back or hurt me anymore. There has been a ton going on lately that has let me know who cares for and values me and who is fine without me. I am done with the hurt and am going to focus on making MY life with my family the best it can be. I don't need people in my life anymore who hurt me. I don't need acceptance from people just because it is what I have always wanted. I am a good person, with a good heart, who takes great care of my family... and I am proud of that. I know there is always room for change and I am putting in the work for that change. Focusing on my faith and my mental health and my physical health every day is part of that! But I can only change me if if you never change you, we might have to drift apart. Family is not exempt from this because we share bloodlines. If anything you should be cheering me on instead of pushing me away. So... I am just putting it out there. I will do what I think is right and I will keep making changes. Feel free to join me, or not. That is not my concern or focus.

Oh and if you have anything you can donate to an auction or any connections you can hook me up with for an auction in June that will benefit the trip to Africe, let me know! We have some great things and hopefully more amazing things to come. The auction will be online so if we can dream it we can offer it!

Peace, love and flowers and send me some knee healing prayers while we are at it :)

Knee Surgery... tomorrow

I am going to the "little hospital" in town tomorrow for my ACL revision. I have to be there at 5:30 am. No food or drink after midnight so I am glad I have the early surgery :) It is outpatient and I am hoping to be home and in my own bed (or couch) by noon. That would be glorious! I am going to be flat on my back for a few days and drugged up! So if you want to have a funny conversation with me... the next few days might be good days to call. In kind of interesting news, I had to go buy both nail polish remover and antibacterial body soap to prepare for this surgery. Interesting because... how does painted toenails have anything to do with knee surgery and what is washing with antibacterial soap going to do to prevent infection when they scrub the heck out of you before they hack away anyhow. I have had 4 surgeries thus far and a procedure under anesthesia and this is the first time for the soap thing. I guess it must be new. Oh well.

Send prayers and thoughts my way for a good surgery and quick recovery. I would appreciate it very much.

Perception

I used to be a member of a Martial Arts class in my hometown. Our instructor used to say something to us all the time and it went like this "You are not only responsible for your actions but also how your actions are perceived." He definitely wasn't a perfect guy but this advice has stuck with me.

There is a group of friends online that I have had since I was pregnant with my oldest son. So we have been friends for nearly 6 years! Been through so many things you can not even imagine. Illnesses, deaths, marriage, premature births... the list is enormous. Most of us have never met but it has always been a place where I felt safe. A place where I went for support in parenting and in life.

Recently there was a big "cat fight" in this group and things have changed for us. Not even sure how to attempt to explain it. But I tried to settle the dispute by sharing honestly with another person how her actions were perceived. Of course, I don't know her IRL (in real life) so I can't communicate with her about her day to day goings on. I had gotten several emails from friends saying that this person had hurt them in someway or another and honestly, she had hurt me with her words as well. So I did the only thing that I know how to do. I don't handle bull well and in fact am not good at it. I get my knife out and cut through. So I was honest with her and told her how she was making feel. Unfortunately it didn't really go how I had planned it to go and she often tried to turn things around on me or others instead of owning her part of the problem. I apologized for my part (I sometimes antagonized her... on purpose... for a response) and admitted my mistakes but she could not see her contribution.

Eventually things died down and I felt like I did the right thing but unfortunately things will never go back to normal. People are still scared to speak their hearts with her around and people are still hurt. I am kind of mourning that group right now. Not that the group is gone or friends are lost but the dynamic is so different and it makes me sad. But fortunately, some of us have bonded in a new way and I have really grown some friendships through this and that is exciting.

Anyway, I guess what I want to say in conclusion is that if several people approach you or even just a good friend... I think that you need to really reflect and see what your contribution is. That is how we better ourselves and that is how we develop stronger character. And I agree, we are responsible for how people perceive us because really... that is part of WHO we are as well.

Kind of a rambling post... sorry about that.

Brief update

We added a button to our funds account for Ghana. You now have the option to donate monthly for the next 7 months. Anything you donate will go toward building the school as well as school supplies and expenses. Thank you so much for supporting me in this.

Also keep up to date with the goings on of our trip by following this blog:  www.tinyurl.com/Ghana2011.

I really am working on a blog dedicated specifically to this :) Apparently my life has so far been too busy with learning about knee surgery, canceling other appointments, finding help with child care, etc. But I am going to go into my room right now and work on it for a while. Kay?

Hope you will step out and join us in doing something beautiful in Africa. I am so passionate about these children and George's work in Kete Krachi. All children deserve a childhood and we hope we can help make this happen for a few more kids. "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world" That song keeps floating through my head when I think about the journey we are embarking on. God loves these children, I love these children and together we can make life a little easier by providing a safe home and education for trafficked children.

Getting my knee fixed up!

I am probably one of the few nuts that is semi-excited about having surgery. But... I am. Heh. On Wednesday the 13th I am going to have an acl revision on my left knee. I was very worried that my surgeon wouldn't want to do it again but thankfully he didn't even hesitate and is sure he can get it working :) The reason I am so excited is because I will be able to play softball and run again in a few months. More importantly I will be able to carry my toddler again and run around and play with the boys. And I will be able to play with the kids in Ghana in November. All massively important things to me.

Being the girl who is extremely fascinated by surgery and cool stuff like that... I am pretty excited about getting donor tissue for the graft too. It is pretty neat. Most everyone I have talked to it are a little weirded out but I think its so amazing that people donate their bodies and then it can help people like me continue to have an active lifestyle. I won't be able to play basketball or hockey or soccer but... softball and running... woohoo! Hopefully volleyball with a brace. Ah may zing.

Anyway, I am going to have a couple of rough weeks ahead but I am so looking forward to getting my mobility back in one of the ways that matters most to me: working out and playing sports. I have to work out to manage my anxiety. So yea, I am a little oddly excited about having surgery on my knee :) So keep me in your thoughts and prayers... My hubs too because hes going to have to take care of me and the boys for several days. Thankfully hes a pretty good (and hot) male nurse when I am down for the count.

Fundraising!

Fundraising is well underway for our trip to Ghana in November. We have a lot of money to raise so we have to get a move on. If you would like to help, I have added a chip-in button to the left of posts on the blog. I will also add it at the end of this post. We have already met 1% of our $30,000 goal to build the school at the Village of Life "campus". I am praying that God will continue to move us forward as we look to serve Him through our efforts.

Soon I will be dedicating a new blog solely to the trip to Ghana and will just post short updates on my personal blog. This is a blog that I typically reserve for my deepest thoughts and feelings. This is a big part of my heart and I will be sharing on here too but not as much as the last couple of posts.

In addition to the $30,000 we are raising as a group... I will be raising about $3,000 for traveling expenses. If you would like to help me with that, please let me know! This would not go to the chip-in but to me directly and put into a savings account until it is time to buy my plane ticket and various other things I will need before and during the trip.

I have lots of ideas for community fundraising ideas and also online fundraising, I will reveal more soon. But if you have any ideas on how we can ramp up our fundraising efforts, please feel free to let me know! Also if you have any friends or you yourself can donate items/services for an auction or raffle (not sure which yet) please let me know. I am thinking there will be an auction in May. Of course this will depend on how my appointment goes tomorrow with my orthopedist about my knee and when I will need surgery. Also if you would be interested in a softball tournament or sand volleyball tournament or know that you could help me generate interest for these, let me know as well :)

Thanks!